Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

by Lundy Bancroft

There are a few reasons: He considers it her job to play a supporting role to him. This is the same as the attitude that “behind every great man stands a woman.” So if either of them is going to be the center of attention, it should be him, and if he is feeling like being quiet she should be, too, remaining in his shadow. He is constantly focused on her faults, so he assumes everyone else is, too. He doesn’t like having her appear in public as smart, capable, and interesting, because that collides with his deeply held belief that she is irrational, incompetent, and worthy of being ignored—a view of her that he may want others to share with him. He is afraid on some level that if she gets enough support for her strengths, she will leave him—and he’s quite likely right.