Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

by Lundy Bancroft

A nonabusive man would not expect his wife to be taking emotional care of him during a crisis of this gravity. In fact, he would be focused on what he could do for her and on trying to find the child.

It is no wonder that the partner of an abusive man would come to suspect that he was mentally ill.

low self-esteem isn’t an excuse for you to become abusive, then it’s no excuse for him either.

An abusive man’s emotional problems do not cause his abusiveness. You can’t change him by figuring out what is bothering him, helping him feel better, or improving the dynamics of your relationship.

There is nothing wrong with you. Your partner’s abuse problem is his own.