Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

by Lundy Bancroft

My clients have so many ways to bully their way through arguments that I couldn’t possibly name them all, but the abuser’s most common tactics are listed in the box below: Sarcasm Ridicule Distorting what you say Distorting what happened in an earlier interaction Sulking Accusing you of doing what he does, or thinking the way he thinks Using a tone of absolute certainty and final authority—“defining reality” Interrupting Not listening, refusing to respond Laughing out loud at your opinion or perspective Turning your grievances around to use against you Changing the subject to his grievances Criticism that is harsh, undeserved, or frequent Provoking guilt Playing the victim Smirking, rolling his eyes, contemptuous facial expressions Yelling, out-shouting Swearing Name-calling, insults, put-downs Walking out Towering over you Walking toward you in an intimidating way Blocking a doorway Other forms of physical intimidation, such as getting too close while he’s angry Threatening to leave you