More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Ali Abdaal
Read between
June 16 - August 29, 2024
Why might that be? Luks’s research showed that when we help others, our brains release a flood of chemicals that create a natural high. Feel-good hormones like oxytocin surge through our bodies, creating a wave of positive energy that can last for hours – even days – after the helping has ended.
This concept is today known as the ‘Benjamin Franklin effect’. It suggests that when we ask someone for help, it’s likely to make them think better of us. It’s the flipside of the transformative effects of helping others: we can ask others to help us, which will help them feel better, too.
that most of us are bad at asking for help.
well i AM
how participants responded to their partners’ good news was the strongest predictor of how long they’d stay together and how happy they were in those relationships.
not to be honest but candid.
First, root your analysis in objective, non-judgemental terms.
Second, focus on the tangible results of what’s gone wrong.
Finally, turn your attention away from the problem and towards the solution. Provide alternatives of what you’d like to see happen.
Put simply, discipline is when we do stuff that we don’t feel like doing. It’s the opposite of motivation; it’s taking action despite how unmotivated you are.
This is a well-studied phenomenon; one that scientists call ‘uncertainty paralysis’. It happens when we become overwhelmed by the unknowns or the complexity of a situation, leading to an inability to act. This paralysis prevents us from making progress on tasks, projects or decisions. It gets in the way of feeling good and gets in the way of getting things done.
The purpose behind the operation The end state that the commander was aiming for The key tasks that the commander felt should be taken to accomplish the objective
ensure that we’re concentrating on the immediate steps we need
goals emphasise the process, rather than some distant, abstract end-goal.
focus on goals that are within our control.
the process of imagining that an event has already occurred – increases our ability to identify why things will go right (or wrong) by 30 per cent.
As General Eisenhower said, ‘No battle was ever won according to plan, but no battle was ever won without one.’
If you don’t know when you’re doing something, chances are you won’t do it.
Implementation intentions have been the research focus of Peter Gollwitzer, a psychology professor at New York University. They offer a method that builds moments for your new behaviour into your daily routine, just like the cues in that Boston study. If you decide beforehand when you’re going to do something, you’re much more likely to do it. According to Gollwitzer, the best formula for implementation intentions is a conditional statement: ‘If X happens, then I will Y.’
It concluded that when we intentionally set an ‘if … then…’ statement for ourselves to follow, we’re strengthening our mental representation of the situation in advance.
structure gives you more freedom, not less.
Level 1 is to time-block specific tasks you’ve been avoiding.
Level 2 is time-blocking most of your day.
level 3, time-blocking your ‘ideal week’.
The bad news is that the amygdala can also identify perceived but illusory threats. Researchers call this the ‘amygdala hijack’. It’s what happens when the amygdala tells us to avoid and flee, even when there’s no serious threat to our safety. The amygdala hijack underpins our second major blocker: fear. When presented with challenges that threaten our sense of safety – like meeting a group of strangers, or taking on a task that must be completed by a looming deadline, or having to pass an important exam – the amygdala interprets the task as a threat.
It isn’t lack of talent or inspiration that’s holding you back. It’s fear.
Getting to know our fears is the first step towards overcoming them.
This technique is called ‘affective labelling’. Put simply, it’s the act of putting your feelings into words, which forces you to identify and get to know the sensations you’re experiencing.
First, it increases our self-awareness.
Second, it reduces our rumination.
We’re very good at rationalising ‘reasonable’ reasons for not doing things. ‘I’m not putting off starting my business because I’m scared of something, I just haven’t found the right idea yet.’ ‘I’m not making progress writing my novel because of fear, I just haven’t had the time.’
AHAHAHAH so me T___T
One method involves asking yourself a few questions. When you’re procrastinating, say to yourself, ‘What am I afraid of?’ Our core vulnerabilities and insecurities are often at the heart of procrastination. To work through them, we have to first identify them.
Next, take it a step further and ask yourself, ‘Where does this fear come from?’ Is it a ‘me’ reason or a ‘them’ reason?
We hand ourselves labels that make us too terrified to get started: ‘I’m not a runner.’ ‘I’m scared of maths.’ ‘I don’t like creative tasks.’
The scientific name for this process is ‘cognitive reappraisal’: changing the interpretation of a situation so that we feel better emotionally.
Fear doesn’t always come in such dramatic forms as ‘My life will be ruined forever’, of course. Some of the fear we experience is the low, grating sense of self-doubt that stands between us and our goals – the fear that we’re just not good enough.
It’s the result of perception: my belief in my own ability is less than the ability I believe is required.
Self-Confidence = Perception of Ability – Perception of Standards
In my case, that often involves a simple method: not miraculously overcoming my low confidence, but transforming it into a non-issue. My favourite method is simple. Just try asking yourself: ‘How confident do I actually need to feel to just get started with this? Could I just get started even though I’m feeling unconfident?’
Make a start. You won’t need to get perfect for a long time yet.
the ‘spotlight effect’. We’re highly attuned to what others think of us. This makes sense – as social creatures, our amygdala is always on the hunt for threats to our status. But this means that we spend our lives believing a spotlight is always trained on us, and that everyone around is constantly looking at us, analysing our behaviours, and passing judgement on our worth as human beings.
I am confident. I am fearless. I am unstoppable.
So far, we’ve encountered two major blockers that make us feel worse and procrastinate more: uncertainty, which makes us confused about what we need to do to get started; and fear, which makes us so anxious that we don’t feel we can begin. But our third and final blocker is perhaps the trickiest of all: inertia.
default choices.
CBA, or ‘can’t be arsed’.
The five-minute rule is a simple but powerful technique that encourages you to commit to working on a task for just five minutes.
he simply asks himself, ‘What’s the next action step?’ For instance, when he knows he’s procrastinating from doing yoga, his next action step is to roll out his yoga mat and stand on it. That’s it.
In every case, this method takes our eye off the intimidatingly huge long-term goal (writing a book) and focuses our minds on the more achievable one (writing the next few words). It helps calm our nerves by allowing for, as Pychyl describes, a ‘layer of self-deception’. Eventually you’ll still have to take the exam, get on the running machine, write the book. But you don’t have to worry about that now.
They found that tracking progress, whether through writing down progress goals (like whether you completed the training sessions you aimed to do) or writing down output goals (like your 5km time), dramatically increases your chances of actually attaining that goal.
Above all, tracking your progress provides you with tangible evidence that you’re moving towards your goals.
All these people have noticed an intriguing feature of human motivation: that starting something alone is infinitely more difficult than starting it together. When we find a partner to hold us accountable, we’re much more likely to overcome inertia.
