While You are Healing

by Parm K.C.

i wonder often if i am enough for you. i don’t wonder often enough if you are enough for me.

the slow death of being with you. of pieces of me dying, of my spark gradually fading, of feeling myself vanish.

be careful. someone who is confused about what they want can cause you to become confused about what you’re worth.

don’t trust anyone’s word more than you trust your own instinct. -intuition

you speak to me in cruelty, and it is not a dialect i understand.

i keep wanting to be chosen.

can someone please tell me how to move through this destruction without being irreversibly destroyed?

i don’t want to go back to the girl i was before you. she was the one who let you in. she got me into this mess.

it shouldn’t hurt this much. i tell myself, as i continue to love you anyway.

if i’m going to be angry at you for not loving me, for not appreciating me, for not cherishing me - then i should be angry at me too. -fair

it’s hard to lift myself out of bed. it’s hard to let my feet touch the ground and believe i can make it through the day - another day, one more day. just make it through today, and then do it again tomorrow.

can someone please show me another way around the tears and the nights that don’t seem to end? i wish not to move through this -

let this day be over so i don’t have to pretend to be happy, to be sane, to be healing. let this day be over

grief does not care how many days or nights you’ve counted since he left. it can stay by your side longer than he ever could.

how did your love dissolve so quickly?

I don’t understand. My world revolved around him for four years. I lost my best friend. It makes you feel so lost.

ours was a play written solely by you. not once did i get a chance to sit in the director’s chair.

please don’t tell me that you never meant to hurt me. you hurt me, and this is all that matters.

everyone keeps telling me let it go. let it go where? there is nowhere on earth or any other planet that could fit all of this hurt.

why are the ones who are the hardest to forget the ones who forget us so easily?

every time i try to speak about you, i choke. the words burn my throat and bubble on my tongue and i can’t get them out. it’s like your memory is as toxic as you were.

it’s not that i’m scared to love again - i’m scared to love someone like him again.

healing comes in parts. the first part is the breaking.

hope i forget you, hope you don’t forget me. hope that one day i won’t care quite as much whether you do forget me or not. i’ll admit to myself you were just a person. nothing more, nothing that spectacular.

there are too many places where you are wanted for you to stay where you are not.

fuck you.

i really do deserve better.

i hope to be good one day. and though i’m not yet, this hope wasn’t there before. its presence tells me there’s a chance.

as much as i wish i could forget you, i wish i had the power to make you forget me. you don’t deserve me even in memories.

we think that at some point it will be too late to find love.

silence used to scare me. it used to mean you were angry or scheming or a storm was brewing inside of you, and it would make me terrified. i knew it meant that something was coming and it would not be anything pretty.

care enough about yourself to choose people who care about you too.

i realized there was nothing magic about you - i loved you and that was your best trait.