So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore: An Unexpected Journey

by Wayne Jacobsen

“It would seem to me that trusting God allows him to do whatever he desires. If I focus that trust on a specific outcome, then I am only trying to manipulate him.

The church thrives where people are focused on Jesus, not where they are focused on church.

“I’m coming to the conclusion that there is no correlation between the success of my ministry and the fruitfulness of my own relationship with him. In fact, I seem to preach my best sermons in the midst of my worst failures. I am beginning to think ministry is where I hide from him.”

“That’s a problem, isn’t it? Structures are about gaining power and getting your own way. Those who are growing to know him don’t need them.”

This is between you and him. Sorting it out with him will help your relationship grow. Don’t look for a right or wrong answer to what you’re asking. Then you have to condemn others who don’t choose what you do. He may want you to stay longer, to love these people and let your hunger encourage them.”

“That’s where I’m stuck. I just don’t know. On any given day I vacillate wildly depending on the circumstance I’m in.” “That’s why it would help to get your eyes off the circumstances and look to him. He can take you through anything and perfect his purpose in you as he does it.”

But all you can do is take that fear to him and ask him to show you the way.” “I have. A thousand times,” Bryce said with a sigh. “Then it isn’t time,” I found myself saying to my own surprise, and out of the corner of my eye I saw John smile and subtly nod. “What does that mean, Jake?” “Part of the journey involves doing what he makes clear to you. If you’ve submitted it to him, then let him sort it out. If he were asking you to leave today, I think you’d know that, even in the face of your fears. If he hasn’t made it clear to you, then wait. Just keep loving him and following him every day. I’m learning the joy of resting in him, doing what I know to do and not doing what I don’t know to do. It’s been one of the hardest lessons to learn, but also the most freeing.”

“But I want a right or wrong answer.” Bryce’s frustration was bleeding through. “Don’t we all,” I said, appreciating his frustration, “until he becomes answer enough? This is his decision, not yours, and it will be clear when it is clear.”

“Pointing them to Jesus is always helpful. Telling people to leave rarely is.

“You see, Bryce, truth has its time. If you tell someone the truth before they’re ready to hear it, you can push them further away, no matter how well intentioned you might be.”

“You have to let Jesus show you. He can help you sense when people are ready and when you need to hold back. Make sure you really have their best interests in mind—that you are not using them to validate your own choice by pushing them to agree with you. That never works. Also, listen to the questions people are asking and it will help you know if they’re hungry for more.

It made me wonder if this was why Jesus spoke in parables and metaphors—to help hungry people see without unnecessarily hardening those who were not ready. I’d have to explore that more.

“No institutional arrangement will ever contain all that the church is. Don’t look for it institutionally. Look for it relationally. Certainly the New Testament talks about the priorities of that church—Jesus as its sole head and focus, daily encouragement among believers, plural and lateral leadership, open participation, and an environment of freedom so people can grow in him.”

“Are structure and passion polar opposites?” “No, they’re not. Not all structure is wrong. Simple structures that facilitate sharing his life together can be incredibly positive. The problem comes when structures take on lives of their own and provide substitutes for our dependence upon Jesus.”

Jesus saw the church as a reality, not an assignment for his followers to construct. She is growing, all around you. You just can’t see it now because your focal point is far short of her beauty and immensity.” “How can I change that?” “There’s only one way—stay focused on him.

“Real community is not something we fabricate by any means. It is a gift God gives.”

We call singing together ‘worship’ and regular attendance ‘fellowship,’ and we’ve convinced ourselves we’re actually doing those things just by coming, whether they’re real in our hearts or not.

How could obligation ever produce real relationship, Bryce? Obligations are only necessary when the experience is ineffective or lifeless.

“That’s the gathering. It’s not when you meet, where you meet, or how you meet in meetings, but that you are gathering your heart to him. If that’s happening, you usually won’t find yourself going it alone very long. You’ll find others heading the same direction, and by traveling together you’ll be able to help one another along the way. That’s why you only hurt yourself when you look for people who want to meet a certain way or think like you do about everything. Every person who crosses your path, believer or unbeliever, in an institution like this or outside of it, is a potential partner in this journey. By loving them to the degree that they allow, you’ll participate in his great gathering.

“But the goal remains the same. It’s him! It’s always him—not a style of meeting or a preplanned program, not a safe salary, or a predictable future.”

“Follow him, every day! As scary as that sounds, there’s a real freedom in it, isn’t there?” “That there is. And you’ll do that best when you can relax in his working. He’s not trying to make it difficult; he wants you to experience the very kingdom itself. This is his joy he draws you to, not some tiresome duty or empty promise.”

“You had this incredible hunger to know God and follow him. But you also wanted to be circumstantially secure and well liked by others. Those just aren’t compatible with following him. We are safe because he is with us, not because our circumstances are easy, and trying to get everyone to like you only made you less a person than God made you to be. When you started following what God put in your heart, the other kingdom had to collapse. It was inevitable if not enviable.

Before, I was so focused on what I wanted from God and how I could get him to fulfill my desires. Now I just want to know him and let him change me so that his reflection can be seen in me. It’s hard to explain. Before, I tried to act like a Christian. Now, I find myself doing and saying things that surprise even me. He’s changed me, John, and I can’t take any credit for it.”

“Time isn’t Father’s focus, Jake. He enjoys setting things right in us, even if it does take a bit of time.

But we make a huge mistake when we assume that fellowship takes place just because we attend the same event together, even regularly, or because we belong to the same organization. Fellowship happens where people share the journey of knowing Jesus together. It consists of open, honest sharing, genuine concern about each other’s spiritual well-being and encouragement for people to follow Jesus in whatever way he leads them.

But don’t our institutions keep us from error? I’m sorry to burst your bubble here, but every major heresy that has been inflicted on God’s people for the last two thousand years has come from organized groups with “leaders” who thought they knew God’s mind better than anyone around them. Conversely, virtually every move of God among people hungering for him was rejected by the “church” of that day. The people were excluded, excommunicated, or executed for following God.

Most of what we call “church” today is nothing more than a well-planned performance with little actual connection between believers. Believers are encouraged toward a growing dependency on the system or its leadership rather than on Jesus himself. We spend more energy conforming behavior to what the institution needs rather than helping people be transformed at the foot of the cross!

Instead of filling our children with ethics and rules, we need to demonstrate how to live in God’s life together. Even sociologists tell us that the number one factor in determining whether a child will thrive in society is if they have deep, personal friendships with nonrelative adults. No Sunday school can fill that role. I know of one community in Australia that, after twenty years of sharing God’s life together as families, could say that they had not lost one child from the faith as they grew into adulthood. I know I cut across the grain here, but it is far more important that our children experience real fellowship among believers than the bells and whistles of a slick children’s program.