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Gus’s small voice broke through my rage. My gaze snapped to his worried eyes peeking backward over the sofa where he sat cuddled next to someone else, someone I couldn’t bear to see me like this. Someone whose brown eyes were locked onto me and my rash behavior.
Josh is there???
“No. I don’t hate the army. I just don’t want anyone I love in it anymore.”
I have an odd feeling Josh is gonna be lile "surprise! I'm in the army:"
Awkward. That was the only way to describe what it felt like to sit next to Josh Walker when he wasn’t talking to me.
I mean yeah you did go kinda cocoa puffs on him. But also he's probably tryimg to respect your desire for space
“If you apologize like that, feel free to treat me like shit any time you want. I will be your personal doormat.”
The other girl narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, and I’m really close to Josh, his roommate.”
lol if only she knew
“You know Josh disappears every few weeks, right?”
FUCK. Is he going to drill?
Would this end before it broke me into unmendable pieces?
Ugh this has to be so hard.
Papers fluttered to the floor before I could catch them. I closed the book and picked them up. Sealed envelopes with names on them: June. April. Mom. August. December.
Oh no.
The goal tonight was to find a suitable guy. Someone who would take my mind off Dad, and April’s crap, and Mom, and Riley, and…and…Josh. Yeah, right.
I don't think Josh is gonna like that. Or he's gonna be there and they bone?
Jagger slid between Deacon and Sam. “Watch out, Deke. Josh has dibs on this one.” Annoyance itched at me. “Josh does not have dibs on me. We’re not dating.”
He totally has dibs
“I’ve been dreaming of that for…” His brows furrowed, like he was keeping himself in check. “A while.”
How long is a while my guy?
“She’s naked, Ember, and those boys have a camera.”
Dude. Her sister is having quite the rebellious streak.
Josh slid around the corner, took one look at the distance, threw his legs over the banister, and jumped. He landed right in front of the freshmen.
Uh that's hot as fuck.
“Where is your flaw, Josh Walker?” He laughed. “I store it in my closet.”
I'm so terrified of what's gonna happen.
Just the fear of the risk, of letting him all the way in and getting destroyed when I’d barely put myself back together.
“December, about tomorrow—”
I feel like he's not gonna be there.... Because drill?
Josh came out onto the ice and turned into the box. His black suit draped over the powerful angles of his body, complete with black shirt and gold tie.
Okay he's there. But i'm still nervous
Josh’s eyes moved to the right, over Riley, and his smile faltered. He gave me a head nod, like he finally had something figured out, and turned his back on me. Shit. He thought I was here with Riley.
Nooooooooo daddy
Josh stood in the middle of the walkway like he had paused midstride. His look of surprise quickly fell as he shook his head at me. His jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed, and he turned on his heel, disappearing back into crowd.
Noooooooooo
“Please be careful. The guy still has a reputation up in Boulder, and he left three years ago.”
Ahhh what happened. And why didn't she ever hear about it?
“There’s zero chance in hell I’d chase after a military guy.”
Yeah he's definitely gonna be military
“Jagger. He said he had a few, and I was more than happy to take them from him.”
Yep. He's fucking military.
He blasted that fake smile at me, which hurt more than anything he could have said. “Not sure.” He kissed one of the puck bunnies on the cheek. “What do you think, ladies? Should we bring Ember along to the party?”
Why is he being such a dick???
His smile faded into a look of brutal intensity. “I had a thing for this girl, but she was way too good for someone like I was.”
It was totally her. I mean like duh.
“The only time I really feel alive anymore is when I’m with you, and that scares the hell out of me.”
If Coach had known you were all healed up, he would have come calling. He’s always been a big fan of yours. How did he lose you to Boulder?”
Healed??
“Damn shame about your leg. But thank you. You’re a hero to the rest of us.”
Thank you? Hero? MILITARY FOR SCHOOL BECAUSE HE LOST HIS SCHOLARSHIP?
“Some dreams aren’t dead, just sleeping. I need you to know every option you have, and not to be scared of them. More than this craving to have you near me, I want you happy.” That was the moment I fell in love with Josh Walker.
“He left me. Brett found out about the other guys and said he was done.” Her sobs racked her tiny frame.
Oh really? I'm shooketh
“Rumor is he got shot that fall, but there’s like ten thousand different versions of how it happened.”
Shot?????!
There was no way to deny it, and I didn’t want to. I was in love with him.
“Something tells me he’ll bring me home.” I laughed, and it felt good. I could do this, be happy, if that’s what this ecstatic feeling bubbling through me was.
Why do i feel like now is when the other shoe is gonn drop?
“I’m in love with you, Josh Walker. Take. Me. Home.”
“Let me go now before I fuck you in my Jeep in the middle of a damned parking lot.”
I'm wet
“God, December, you can’t know how long I’ve dreamed of having you in my bed.”
HOW LONG????
“This is where you were shot?” I asked. He didn’t deny it, or ask how I knew. “Yes.”
So that is what happened
“Just in the wrong place at the wrong time, baby.
BUT WHAT IS HIS SECRET? ARE THEY RELATED?
I have never brought any other woman into this bed. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted here. This is my space, and you’re a part of me. No one else ever has been.”
He must have shaved his head when she’d lost her hair from treatment.
He did it when he joined fuck.
I loved that he wasn’t just happy, there was something deeper there, a longing. I loved that we both had the same picture on our walls. I loved him.
“It’s just something he has to do for his scholarship. He’ll be home tomorrow.”
Drill becuse the military pays for school
“Josh is missing a game? That’s not like him. Why would he miss a game?” Jagger cleared his throat. “Coach is fine with it. He knows how Josh’s scholarship works.” “But why would he miss a game if he’s on a hockey scholarship?”
Why are they hidi g it?
He said he sent me my own soldier-guardian almost-angel. At least, that’s what he called him. How cool is that?”
Fuck. Is this Josh?!
“He’s at drill,” Gus answered with a huge slurp.
I FUCKING KNEW IT
Oh God. I was in love with a soldier. I couldn’t love a soldier. I swore I never would. I would never put my heart in the hands of someone who threw his life away in a foreign country, fighting for people who didn’t even want us there, and left for months at a time.
“Where is your flaw, Josh Walker?” He laughed. “I keep it in the closet.”
Shit. The foreshadowing. She's so good
“He wanted to tell you,” Jagger said softly. “He just…couldn’t. He couldn’t lose you.”
That's really sad. Not a great reason but i get it. Especially with what just happened to her dad .
“Order of the Purple Heart, awarded to Specialist Joshua A. Walker for wounds sustained in combat in the Kandahar Province of Afghanistan.”
That's probably where her dad met him
The state championship picture mocked me from the wall, so I pulled it down and left it next to the award. I had been wrong. We hadn’t been fated since I’d been fifteen; we’d been doomed.
“Love isn’t something you throw away lightly.”
