The Library of Shadows

by Rachel Moore

They were planets revolving around each other, just like the ghosts in the senior lounge—a solar system anchored by each other’s gravitational pull. They’d found their place and fit into it perfectly. Este was an asteroid, blazing through their quiet harmony.

She used to think her mom was sad when she looked like that, mourning for what she couldn’t have. She never imagined she wasn’t running away from something but toward.

Watching her grieving mom caravan aimlessly around the country, Este had buried her heart, letting the weeds grow wild.

She’d assumed that if no one could be hers forever, they didn’t need to be hers at all.

Mateo was right—the words on the page were always there waiting for her. And Este missed the comfort of something that understood the quiet parts of her, the curls like inkwell spills and the blue-eyed windows, the lilting whispers and the laughter.

It was her mom on the road to anywhere, every eighty-miles-per-hour twist down a turnpike, every cold-salami deli sandwich, every middle-of-nowhere pit stop in a desperate hope to find a sliver of the man she couldn’t keep.

And it was Este, searching for Mateo in the stacks, whispering to him in the back of class, closing her eyes as his lips brushed the soft skin of her hand like it might last. It was love, and it always had been.

“There’s no glory in trying to do everything on your own.”

“If you feel the way I felt, don’t wait to tell Mateo. You don’t want to lose something you never had the chance to have. Trust me.”

That option flashed for a millisecond in her mind—an easy scapegoat, an excuse for the emotion bubbling inside her like water in the kettle on the stove, slow and then sudden.

She would face love—its canyon cliff side, this suspension bridge between here and the point of no return—head on or not at all, and not at all wasn’t an option anymore.

She would either find a way to save them all, or she’d join the ghosts, and then there would be nowhere to hide from how she felt.

She squeezed his hand like if she held on hard enough, she might be able to pull them both back to the world of the living.

She would’ve given anything to stay like that forever with him, but he deserved more. Whatever it took, she would give him another chance at life.

I won’t lose you like I’ve lost everyone else.

“But you’ve waited so long for this—” “I don’t want to know another life without you in it.”

She should tell him that even though she was never supposed to know him, knowing him made her a better version of herself. An Este who wasn’t afraid of the dark crevices of her heart. An Este who learned it was possible to hurt and hope at the same time.

Este knew how libraries worked: the books weren’t hers forever, only for two weeks, and that was enough. She would read them over and over until she had nearly memorized the pattern of ink on the pages, so that even when they were back on the shelves where they belonged, she could carry a piece of their stories with her.

Her dad had taught himself to bind books, a holdover from his days at the library, and he’d woven together all her favorite stories.

First: defeat the evil, immortal librarian ruining her life. Then: consume an egregious amount of frozen Tater Tots because that was basically the only thing left in her freezer.

She didn’t come this far for a your mom joke to ruin them.

“Este Logano, you’re a beautiful mastermind.”

“But whatever it is, I’m by your side.”

“I’m afraid your loan is long overdue, Lilith, and it’s time you pay the fines.” All she needed was one ember.

But him, she wouldn’t let him out of her sight. Wouldn’t lose him. He smiled at her, a coy thing on his lips that sent her heart rate soaring.

Of all the ways Este thought she’d die this quarter, she hadn’t truly considered the possibility of getting shanked by the head librarian.

“I don’t care if I have to love you in this life or the next,” she said, planting her hands firmly against his chest to hide the way they shook. “I need you to know that I love you.”

“I love you,” she said, as she laid her head against the empty cavern of his chest. “I love you.” As if the words would echo inside his rib cage atrium like a hallelujah chorus in a cathedral nave. “I love you.” Even if it always had to end like this.

Beneath her scarf and sweater, her heart hammered—she’d never get tired of seeing him in the sunlight.

After all, it’s not about the legacies we are left with—it’s about what we do with them.”

“Come with me.” “Anywhere,” he said, and for once, it was true.

“Did you know a kiss at the Hesper Fountain is supposed to mean your love will last forever?” she asked, tilting her head back to meet his gaze. He hummed. “And do you believe that?” Este smiled when she said yes.

Eventually, they’d become nothing more than sun-faded ink, a final line in her favorite story, one she was no longer afraid to write.

This is the book that makes that possible. So, thank you, Este and Mateo, for meeting me in the library.