The Unfortunate Side Effects of Heartbreak and Magic

by Breanne Randall

“Just breathe,”

“Listen, we can’t do this. It’s one of Gigi’s rules. Can you please just believe me when I say I’m doing the best I can? I was a dick, okay? I shouldn’t have left like that. I should’ve told you. I should’ve answered your calls. But I couldn’t. I was in a black hole. It’s like I have this demon living inside me that dictates when the darkness comes, and I can’t stop it. Some days it’s quiet, and I wake up and think I can do it, I can make it through the day. But other days I’m just suffocating, and I hate not being in control like that. So yeah, I was a dick. And I’m sorry.”

Fog on a clear night meant someone was waiting for death.

“Shh,” her aunt interrupted. “The first drops of September are sacred. Catch them on your tongue, and you’ll be granted your truest heart’s desire. Even if you don’t know what it is yet.” Sadie smiled and when, a few moments later, Aunt Tava snapped her fingers, she obediently assumed the same position. Arms out, mouth open. And sure enough. She felt a drop of rain on her arm. And then her shoulder. It started slow. But when the first drop hit her tongue, it was sweet and earthy, like the sky was waking up. Sadie smiled. A car drove around them and honked. Aunt Tava completely ignored it. “Love is always the answer,” Aunt Tava whispered as the smell of warm, wet pavement worked its own kind of magic. “But it’ll never come the way you are. Rigid, silly girl. Dream a little. Didn’t you see the flood over the bridge the other day?” “How did you know about that? Are you who the flood brought back?” “The flood brings everyone back, my sweet, darling niece.

“So, what we’re going to do now is enjoy our time together. I’ll have no fussing and no hysterics.” She looked pointedly to Aunt Kay. “Everybody hear me?” They all nodded. Uncle Brian cleared his throat. “Is there a time frame?” he asked, his voice gritty as muscovado sugar. “Whenever the good Lord calls me home. But I’d say sooner rather than later.” Everyone was crying. Jake was squeezing her thigh under the table so hard Sadie was sure it would leave a bruise, but she couldn’t bear to push him away. Instead, she grabbed onto his hand like an anchor and squeezed back. Tava’s tears came out turquoise. Anne was trying to be stoic, but her shoulders were shaking. Raquel’s face was buried in Seth’s shoulder, and he ran a soothing hand over her back, his own tears refusing to fall. And then, in the silence, the television turned on of its own accord and John Wayne’s voice filtered through to the kitchen. “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway,” he said in that trademark twang.

Earth below, sky above, Fill this knot with purest love. The morning sun will take her pain, And she will wake renewed again.

“I know. But you can’t spend your last days with her like this. I know it’s hard, right? But let’s try to be happy, celebrating her and her life. I see the way she’s been looking at you. She’ll never say anything, but I have to. Don’t let your sorrow be her burden. Wait until she’s gone to mourn her. You know what she’s always told us: ‘Don’t borrow trouble.’”

We’re captive on the carousel of time We can’t return we can only look Behind from where we came And go round and round and round In the circle game.

“You know who you are. Never let anyone or anything mold you into something different. Don’t let those idiots tell you what to do or how to live your life.”

“Sade …” He paused. “Can I do anything for you?” She wanted to tell him about her curse, about the life debt, about her confusion. She wanted to tell him she couldn’t do it. Any of it. That life was breaking her into a hundred jagged pieces. That she knew what she wanted but couldn’t voice it because it made her a terrible person, and that thought scared her more than anything else. All she’d ever wanted was to be good. And wanting Jake was the opposite of that. So why did it feel like the only right thing in her life? It was always going to be him. She would have loved him no matter what, but this version of him? He was a new person, and that meant he had the opportunity to break her heart all over again in a new way. “Just sit with me,” she said instead. He did.

“No mourning,” she’d written. “Set the table for twenty-nine.”

Hi Peapod, Unfortunately, the task of delivering these letters falls to you. But you’ve always been my good girl, so I know you’ll do it. Now, I’m sorry for dying. A silly thing to apologize for, isn’t it? But I know how mad you can get sometimes, and I don’t want to leave you with any anger. God knows Revelares are too good at holding grudges, and if there’s one thing I regret, it’s not letting go of them sooner. If I hadn’t been so stubborn, I could have said goodbye to Dickie. But it was too late. It’s not for you. It’s always been so easy for you to forgive, except when it comes to the people you love the most. But you remember those manners I taught you, young lady. Your job is to forgive that brother of yours. And your mother too, whenever she decides to show up. Now as for the life debt, I’m sorry I kept it from you for so long. But some truths are best kept like dough; they need time to proof. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but there’s a way for you to nullify the curse. This is a last resort, and I’m only sharing it because I’m afraid of what else you’ll try. But if you sacrifice yourself, Seth will be safe. When you give up who you are, you become someone new. And that means all the old debts are forgiven, the dark magic nullified. You’re a new creation. It’s a baptism of sorts, that kind of sacrifice. Just make sure you’re prepared for it. Lastly, I know you’ve always closed yourself off because of your curse. It’s easier not to lose anyone when you don’t let ...

“It doesn’t have to be like that, sugar,” she heard Gigi’s voice whisper in her ear. “There’s always enough love to go around. You’ve learned to be stingy with it because of your curse. But it’s time to let that go.”

“‘A legacy without love ain’t worth a damn, sugar.’”

“They’re all crazy about you, you know,” Florence said as she wiped down the counters. “I see the way everyone looks at you. You’ve got that something special the way mom did. The ability to pull everyone together and keep them there.”

“Sadie,” he said, concern in his voice. Like it wasn’t the first time he’d said her name. “I’m okay,” she said, closing her eyes. “I’m fine.” She sleepily wondered when that lie had gotten so easy to tell. “My whole life, I’ve always felt like I was a step behind where I was supposed to be,” he said, and even though it seemed to come from nowhere, she listened. “When everything happened with Bethany I thought … hell. Get married. Have a kid. And even though something was missing, I knew I couldn’t put my own kid through a broken home. I wanted the happy ever after. I want to be a dad. But, when Seth called me”—he put his hand over his eyes and then pinched the bridge of his nose—“I almost lost it, Sade. You’re the love of my life.” His voice broke, and it sounded like waves crashing. Waves Sadie wanted to swim in. Let the undertow drag her down until she was suffocating with the beauty of it. But maybe that was the tea. “So, tell me,” he said after a beat, “what am I supposed to do here?” “I don’t know,” she whispered. “You always know.”

Athena’s Tea Wisdom of the head is useless without wisdom of the heart. Drink this tea to bring both in balance. This is a caffeine free tea meant to be sipped before bed to sweeten your dreams. Ingredients 2 spoons of Rooibos tea 1–2 tsp dried apple 1 inch of cinnamon stick ½ inch vanilla pod squeeze of honey (optional) Directions Steep in hot water 7 minutes, strain, and drink while it’s still piping hot for full effects.

Orange Honey Vanilla Scones I like to use these when people refuse to talk to each other. Encourages openness and honesty with a little kick of joy. Made them for Dickie once, and they didn’t work on him. Some people are just too stubborn, even for magic. Ingredients 2 c. all-purpose flour 1 T. baking powder ¼ tsp. kosher salt 7 T. cold unsalted butter cut into 1 T. squares ¾ c. heavy cream 1 T. vanilla extract 2 T. dried chrysanthemum flowers ¼ c. orange-infused honey Directions 1. Preheat the oven to 375ºF. 2. Mix the flour, salt, and baking powder in a large mixing bowl. 3. Using a pastry blender or two knives, cut in the butter until it’s well incorporated and you have pea-sized chunks. 4. Combine the heavy cream, orange honey, chrysanthemum flowers, and vanilla extract in a measuring cup, and pour into the mixing bowl. 5. Stir with a wooden spoon until the mixture starts to come together into a ball. 6. Transfer the shaggy dough and any unincorporated dry bits to a very lightly floured large cutting board or work surface. Knead briefly until it just comes together, and shape into approximately an 8 × 8-inch square. 7. Cut into eight 2 × 2-inch squares and, and then cut those into triangles. Transfer to your baking sheet. 8. Bake 8–12 minutes until cooked through with light golden edges. 9. Remove from the oven and allow to rest on the pan for 10 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool or serve warm.

Chocolate Pecan Pie They say pecans are good for healing strength and longevity, but really the family just loves this pie. Ingredients 1 c. corn syrup (light or dark is fine) 3 eggs 1 c. granulated sugar 2 T. butter, melted 2 tsp. vanilla extract 1½ c. coarsely chopped pecans 1 c. chocolate chips 1 pie crust—I don’t know the recipe; that’s Sadie’s domain. Buy it premade, or make her give you the recipe. Directions 1. Preheat oven to 350ºF, and place a baking tray in the oven to preheat. 2. Line the bottom of the pie crust with the chocolate chips. 3. Mix corn syrup, eggs, sugar, butter, and vanilla. Stir in pecans, and pour mixture over chocolate chips. 4. Bake for about an hour or until the pecans are toasty brown, or if you want to be precise about it, until the center is 200ºF—that’s what Sadie tells me. It’s supposed to cool for 2 hours, but that girl can’t wait more than 15 minutes before biting into it, and she burns her damn mouth every time, that stinker.

“Give up who you are,” she thought again, holding her head in her hands and exhaling through pursed lips. Gigi hadn’t meant for Sadie to sacrifice herself by giving up her life, but by surrendering who she was. And she was many things. Bitter? Yes. Grudge holder? Gigi had been on the money about Revelares holding on to things for far too long. But more than that. She was rigid and wild, fearful and brave—and, most of all, afraid of being left behind. Alone. Because of her curse. The curse of heartbreaks. Which she’d taken on to keep her magic. And that, she realized, was who she was. She was magic. And that was what she had to sacrifice. She swallowed hard, wondering why the thought of taking her own life had been easier than thinking about giving up her magic.

“I fell in love with you ten years ago. And I could never love anybody else the way I love you. I’ve been stupid and angry and broken. And I want, more than anything, for you to forgive me.” He handed her the bag he’d been carrying.

being afraid didn’t make someone weak or a coward. Doing something in spite of heartbreak and fear, that’s where courage came in. Do it afraid, she told herself.

“Hey.” Jake grabbed her hand and held her back as the others went in. “Hey,” she said, leaning into him, relishing the touch of his palms as they rubbed warmth into her arms. “I always wished you’d come back, you know. For a while I even prayed you would. But then the years went on, and I started to think of all the things I’d say to you. I’d play out these whole conversations in my head. But then you did come back. And now I can’t for the life of me remember what I said to you in all those imaginary talks.” She laughed, and even that sounded tired. “I’m not going anywhere. This? You and me? It’s going to be good.” “That sounds like a promise.” “Oh, it’s a guarantee.”

“Always bury found pennies in the garden at midnight to make a wish come true. Never whistle indoors or you’ll invite bad luck. Always wear green in some form or another.” And “A little bacon, butter, or sugar can improve just about any recipe.” But most importantly, “Hold on to hope no matter the cost, because as long as there’s hope, everything else is just the unfortunate side effects of heartbreak and magic.