The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents (Discworld, #28)

by Terry Pratchett

trickery is what humans are all about,” said the voice of Maurice. “They’re so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them. We give them value for money. They get a horrible plague of rats, they pay a rat piper, the rats all follow the kid out of town, hoppity-skip, end of plague, everyone’s happy that no one’s widdling in the flour anymore, the government gets reelected by a grateful population, general celebration all around. Money well spent, in my opinion.”

But cats are good at steering people. A miaow here, a purr there, a little gentle pressure with a claw . . . and Maurice had never had to think about it before. Cats didn’t have to think. They just had to know what they wanted. Humans had to do the thinking. That’s what they were for.

The trouble with thinking was that, once you started, you went on doing it.

What was the point of education, he thought, if people went out afterward and used it?

“It’s odd,” said Peaches, “but we didn’t know the shadows were there until we had the light.”

“being afraid of shadows is all part of us becoming more intelligent, I think. Your mind is working out that there’s a you, and there’s also everything outside you. So now you’re not just frightened of things that you can see and hear and smell, but also of things that you can. . . sort of . . . see inside your head. Learning to face the shadows outside helps us to fight the shadows inside. And you can control all the darkness. It’s a big step forward.

“Who are you to say, ‘Let’s get organized’?” he asked sharply. “Are you the leader, young female who refuses to rllk with me? No! I am the leader. It’s my job to say, ‘Let’s get organized’!”

They think they’re educated, but in a tight corner a rat is just a rat.

How many times have I told you? Rule Twenty-seven of the Guild: Sound stupid. People get suspicious of rat catchers who talk too good.”

Trying to give a cat orders? It was easier to nail jelly to a wall. What did it think he was, a dog?

“The last leader gave me some advice just before he died, and do you know what it was? ‘Don’t eat the green wobbly bit’!”