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“Because you’d rather fight than admit you liked it when I degraded you. That you liked feeling used by me.”
drive in silence. I’m angry enough that I’m thinking about smacking him, but I’m enamored enough that if he angrily told me to suck his dick, I’d drop to my knees without a second thought.
“It’s the trust you have in me that makes you wet. Not the act.”
“You trust that when I cut off your breath, I’ll give it back to you.”
“When the wolf growls, the bunny runs.” Lex leans close to me. Cold water drips from my hair and mingles with his warm breath, creating the perfect storm against my neck. He growls in my ear, sending a vibration through my body. “Run.”
You’re such a good girl. Even when your body isn’t willing, your mind is.”
One where the risk of losing my freedom is the most freedom I’ve ever felt.
We chose different paths—I chose complacency, and he chose violence—but we both chose murder, and that’s where our paths cross.
“You’re no better than me.”
“I just wanted to protect you . . .” I whisper.
Lex leans in, and I flinch against his touch as he kisses my forehead.
“You already knew I’d kill for you, and now I know yo...
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“And as sexy as it is, don’t ever ignore me again when I ...
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“I’m a documented sociopath. A convicted killer.”
“I’m a killer and so are you. There’s no arguing away the blood on our hands, no rationalizing that it was our upbringing or a lapse in sanity. We made the conscious decision to rip away someone’s life. We made our bed, and now we’ll fuck in it.”
“Stop, Selena. Stop fucking running from what you are when you never ran from what I am. You have darkness inside you, whether it’s in here”—I graze her chest before lowering my hand to her pussy—“or in here.”
The window above the shower sends a halo of light onto the wall above her head. She looks angelic, and it’s the closest I’ll ever get to an angel.
“If you do that, the stubborn old thing will come right back home. Do you know how hard it was to get him to leave in the first place?”
“This is why this life isn’t meant for you. You have to put yourself first and anyone else beneath you.”
“I know you want to, and I want you to as well, but you can’t. I thought you had to fear the wolf, but there are bigger predators out there than me. I have to keep you safe. It’s the one thing I promised myself I’d do, and it’s the one thing I’m not going back on.”
This is it. For her. For me. For us. It has to be.
I wish she understood that I don’t have a choice. Neither of us does. I don’t deserve someone so stubbornly willing to stay by my side. But I can’t keep her. I could never keep her.
The loud pickup truck idles nearby as I walk down the long road leading away from the house. It only creeps forward when I get too far ahead. I’m sick of being pushed away.
“I’m not getting in the truck, Lex. You want me gone, and I won’t sit beside you while you get rid of me.”
“I think I’ll chance it. Maybe I’ll get taken by someone who doesn’t have commitment problems.”
“God, your age is showing. I do not have commitment problems.”
“I can’t forget you. I’ll remember you whenever my hands touch cool mud. I’ll think of you when the leaves crunch beneath my feet. Whenever I run, I’ll always imagine you’re behind me.”
“You’d have to kill me,” she says. The sickeningly calm way she says it sounds like me. And that makes me feel worse.
“I said I’d do anything for you, but I can’t do the one thing I need to do,”
“Promise me one thing?” She nods before she even hears my request.
“If we get caught before we reach the border, tell the police I abducted you. Tell them I abused you, forced my way inside you, and threatened to kill you. Say anything you have to against my name to preserve yours. If the police come and shit hits...
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While Lex showers, I load the truck with food and tools. I grab a hunting rifle and a box of ammo off the mantle above the fireplace and a cozy blanket from the couch. I put them in the bed of the truck.
“My trip to the border is suicide.”
“My story either ends in a shootout at the checkpoint or I die in the goddamn desert trying to cross on foot.”
“I’m not going to help you if you’re going to make fun of how I grew up. Would you like it if I made fun of how you grew up?”
“You’re right. I had a nanny, though, for your information. He was the local drug dealer.”
“Ouachita. It’s a national forest,” he corrects me. When I cock my head at him, he shrugs. “A lot of time to study when you’re serving life.”
“Do you have feelings for me, Lex?” I ask, and it stops him mid-thrust. “What a time to ask me that,”
“If I said no, would you want me to stop fucking you?”
Couldn’t he just fucking lie while he’s inside me? Does he have to be so . . . cold?
“Oh, that made you mad, huh? You can’t imagine that I didn’t get feelings like you did after all our experiences and time together?”
“Bunny, you have all that’s left of my heart. Anything I can feel is for you.”
“I don’t know if I know what love is, Selena, but I know this is the closest I’ve felt to another person.”
“I wanted you to leave because I needed to protect the one person who made me feel something other than numb or angry. The only person capable of humanizing someone as barbaric as me.”
Leaving meant losing the one thing that made me feel . . . safe.”
I knew what to do with her pussy but not her heart.
“Get rid of them,” she says without looking away from the cabin in front of us.
“Since when do you smoke?” I smirk, drawing the cigar from my lips. “Since I was eight.”
If she knew it was half-smoked by the dead man himself, she wouldn’t have taken it.
“On and off since I was eighteen. Mostly off. How’d you know?”
