When Haru Was Here

by Dustin Thao

For sixteen-year-old me. You did it.

“The more you put out into the universe, the more chances something happens.

I wish I knew the ending to our story sooner. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much.

It’s funny how some people walk into your life. A few hours ago, we didn’t even know each other. Maybe we’re meant to take the wrong train sometimes.

But it feels like we’ve known each other longer, maybe in another life or something. I can’t really explain it.

All I have left is a red bracelet and the memory of him.

It’s a feeling that comes and goes, reminding me that even in a crowded room, I’m still alone. That no one even knows I’m here. It’s like there’s a wall between me and the rest of the world. I’m always on the outside, staring through a screen.

The moment I open my eyes, I’m alone on the rooftop again. No one is lying there next to me. I stare at the empty side of the blanket as another breeze rolls through, ruffling the trees. A chill in the air sends a shiver through me. Then I lean forward and blow out the candle.

I lie there on the rooftop for the rest of the night, wishing he were still here with me.

You forget how much you miss someone until they’re right in front of you again.

I don’t want her to go. I want her to stay close to home and visit more like she promised.

“So you remember? Thought you might have forgotten me.” “Of course I remember.”

Why does Haru keep disappearing like this?

“I’m sorry I left you,” I whisper. Haru runs a hand over my cheek. “Which time?” “Both,” I say. “But I’m glad you came back.” “Always.”

But you know what they say … Better to have loved and lost, right? And it’s not like they ended on bad terms. They can always look back and remember what they had. Even if they didn’t end up together.

“I think it’s meant to show what it feels like to fall in love.”

“I wish I had gone with you, though,” I tell him. “I think about it all the time. Sometimes, I have dreams about you. The two of us at the train station again. It all just happened so fast, you know? I really thought you were coming on with me. I didn’t mean to lose the slip of paper…” My voice trails off.

I wish I hadn’t come here tonight. I wish I’d never even met him.

I wish for something special to happen tonight.

I wish I could have made it to you in time. I wish we could have danced together.

I call his name for a long time. But Haru never answers. I sit on the sidewalk, hoping he comes back for me.

He’s far too fast for me, slipping from my sight like mist.

“I can’t go with you,” he says. “Why not?” “Because I only came back to say goodbye.”

I’ll always be a paper flower in your life, and you deserve a real one.”

“In another world, I would spend every second with you. But I don’t want you to live in that world. I don’t want you to spend your life waiting for me.”

I only wish you’d told me sooner. So I didn’t have to wait for you.

“Because I’m not ready to believe it,” I admit. “Believe what?” “That you’re gone, too.”

I need you to wake up and go home …

Sometimes you have to stop and look at the people you have around you. I’m happy for this new beginning.

You were always real.

I know you would have come if you could. I saved a seat just for you.

You’ll always be a part of my life. This story is for you.

I think I finally got my wish.