The Tragedy of Felix and Jake

by J. Daniels

“Because everything else I do, none of it works. None of it. I’ve tried getting you help. I’ve loved you. I’ve begged you. I’ve fucking arrested you. But you’re too fucking selfish. You love getting high more than anything and anyone, and you don’t care that this will kill me. If anything happens to you, it will fucking kill me, Jake. Why doesn’t that stop you?”

“I don’t think about you not beating this, because if you don’t, then I won’t.” We’ll be okay now. We promised.

I want Jake to wake up. I want it more than anything. But if he doesn’t, I’ll be okay. I’ll live, and I’ll be okay (eventually). For both of us.

“I need this to work, Felix. I’m not going to have another chance. I know I’m not.” “And it’ll work. I know it will. Do you know how I know?” “How?” “Because I’ve waited my whole life for you. And for this. Us.” I squeeze his hands. “You’re my fucking family, Jake, and we’ll fight this. Together.” “Felix—” “We’ll be okay. We promised.”

“Where are you going to be in four years, Jake?” “Sober. With you.”

“Keep going to meetings. And talk to Dean and my brother if you’re feeling like… just please stay alive. Okay?” My voice breaks. “You have to, Felix. Please

Today, I am eight hundred and twenty-seven days sober. My name is Jake Tully and I’m an addict. And I’ll always be an addict. I’ll never beat this. But I’ll keep going to meetings, and I’ll talk to my sponsor (who I’m going to ask to marry me), and I’ll fight this until I win. We are going to win.