The Hating Game

by Sally Thorne

“Is that what it would take for you to stop lusting after me?” I snap and he looks up at the ceiling and lets out a huge sigh. “You got me, Shortcake.” “Oh, I’ve got you all right.” We’re both breathing a little harder than the situation warrants. We each set down our mugs and face off. “I will never work for you. There’ll be no polyester dress. I’ll resign if you get it. It should go without saying.” He looks genuinely surprised for a fraction of a second. “Oh, really.” “Like you wouldn’t quit if I got it.” “I’m not sure.” He’s gimlet-eyed with speculation.

There’s not going to be a single mention of strawberries tomorrow. Joshua Templeman is going to spray his coffee out his nose when I walk in. I don’t know why I want him to—but I do. What a confusing thought to fall asleep with.

“This is unprofessional.” He glances at the ceiling for inspiration before finding it. “HR.” “Is that our safe word? Okay.” In this fluorescent lighting he looks irritatingly healthy and gold, his skin even and unblemished. But there’s a faint sheen on his face.

Joshua. Templeman. Is. Kissing. Me. For a few seconds I’m frozen solid. It seems I’ve forgotten how to kiss; it’s been so long since it’s been a daily activity. Not seeming to mind, he explains the rules with his mouth. The Kissing Game goes like this, Shortcake. Press, retreat, tilt, breathe, repeat. Use your hands to angle just right. Loosen up until it’s a slow, wet slide. Hear the drum of blood in your own ears? Survive on tiny puffs of air. Do not stop. Don’t even think about it. Shudder a sigh, pull back, let your opponent catch you with lips or teeth and ease you back into something even deeper. Wetter. Feel your nerve endings crackle to life with each touch of tongue. Feel a new heaviness between your legs. The aim of the game is to do this for the rest of your life. Screw human civilization and all it entails. This elevator is home now. This is what we do now.

The sound he makes in reply is like huh. The kind of amused sound people make when they discover something unexpected yet pleasing. That I-should-have-known sound. His lips curve and I touch his face. The first smile Joshua’s ever had in my presence is pressed against my lips. I pull back in astonishment, and in one millisecond his face has defaulted back to grave and serious, albeit flushed.

This whole kissing scene is weird - he just basically assaults her without any explanation.

“I wish we could be friends,” I accidentally say out loud. I’ve held those words in for so long it feels like I’ve dropped a bombshell. He’s so silent I think maybe he didn’t hear me. But then he casts me a look so contemptuous that I feel a painful twist inside. “We’ll never, ever be friends.” He says friends like he’d say the word pathetic.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you, okay. It was a fucking stupid move on my part. If you want to report me to HR—” “That’s your problem? You’re scared I’m going to report you?” My voice is raising loud enough that bar patrons turn. I take a deep breath and when I speak again I am quieter. “You’ve broken me down so completely, I can’t even handle it when a guy tells me I’m beautiful.” Dismay spreads across his face. “That’s why I’m crying. Because Danny told me I’m a beautiful girl, and I nearly fell off the barstool. You’ve ruined me.” “I …” he begins to say, but he’s got nothing. “Lucy, I—” “There’s nothing left you can do to me. You win today.” From the look on his face, I think I’ve landed a punch. His shadow recedes along the floor, and then he’s gone.

This was painful

“Apology accepted. But you can’t expect me to be a nice guy when another man walks you into the office, and kisses you and gives you flowers. It’s not the way this game works between you and me.” “I have never had the faintest clue on how it works.” I swallow heavily. He touches his fingers underneath my chin, raising my face to his.

I spot a little origami bird made of notepaper I once flicked at him during a meeting. It is balanced on the edge of the bookshelf. I look at his profile in the kitchen as he arranges two mugs on the counter in front of him. How strange to imagine him putting my tiny folded scrap in his pocket and bringing it home.

I notice my Post-it note with the kiss on it stuck to the fridge and point at it.

I am getting dangerously high off his smiles. This is my third one now? I’m stuffing them in my pockets. I’m cramming them into my mouth.

because …” I haven’t seen you today. I’ve been feeling mixed up and desperately sad, and for some reason seeing you might help the weird pain in my chest. I don’t have friends. Except for you. Except you’re not.

“So you came over to grill me on my life choices?” I catch his fingertips and hold his hand between mine. “I didn’t want to be anywhere else tonight. I was crawling out of my skin.” I’m proud I had the courage to say it.

He turns back to me and the expression in his eyes is softer. “My leg was jiggling like this.” I demonstrate and he grins. “You should have seen me driving here. I was laughing like I’d broken out of prison. I was completely deranged.” “Do you think you’ve finally cracked your sanity?” “For sure. The weird need to stare at your pretty face completely overwhelmed me. I had the energy of twenty atom bombs.” “Why do you think I go to the gym so much?” A big bubble of happiness fills me. I struggle upright and lean against him, my head falling easily into the perfect cradle of his neck. It’s true; he fits me everywhere. “You never have to explain your choices. Not to me, not to anyone.”

What’s your favorite food?” “Vanilla ice cream. Eaten from your bowl, with your spoon. And strawberries.” “Dream vacation destination.” “Sky Diamond Strawberries.”

He’s been craving as badly as I have. My mouth is vanilla, his is mint, and they combine to create something delicious. A miracle has occurred, and I don’t know when, but I know it now. Joshua Templeman does not hate me. Not a bit. There’s no way he could when he kisses me like this.

You’re actually incredibly shy.” He blinks and I know I’m right on the money. A strange sensation stirs in my chest. It unfolds, grows twice as large, then again. It doesn’t stop; it gets faster, bigger, feathers and fluff stuffing my chest like a cushion. I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s filling up my throat and I can’t find any breath. He seems to know something is happening with me, but he doesn’t press me on it; instead, his arm rises to hug my shoulders, his other hand cradling my head. Again, I try to speak but I can’t. He just holds me and I squeeze my hands uselessly on his lapels and the red foyer in the far distance sparkles like a jewel.

“I’ve got so much inside me I have no idea about. I’m like the mayor of a city I’ve never seen.” He smiles at my phrasing. “If you knew the kind of little miracles happening every moment you breathe in, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. A valve could close and not open; an artery could split, you could die. At any moment. It’s nothing but miracles inside your tiny city.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “Holy shit.” I clutch at him.

“Lucy,” is all he can seem to say. “Lucy. How am I going to walk away from tonight? Seriously. How?” I get goose bumps. I’m wondering the same thing. I let my head drop to one side, and we kiss. I’m hoarse and breathless. “I’m gonna die tonight. Please take your pants off.”

row. Brute, raw masculinity contrasted with gentleness is the most attractive thing on earth. Josh is the most attractive thing on earth.

I fall asleep, my cheek against the warm seat, my face turned toward him, like it always has been. Like it always will. I open my eyes a tiny crack. We’re in a parking garage. “We’re home,” he says. I think the unthinkable. I should have been thinking it all along. My eyes slide closed and I feign sleep. “You need to wake up,” he whispers. A kiss on my cheek. A miracle. I love Joshua Templeman.

“It made no difference. I loved you the moment I saw you.” I’m falling backward, through his bed. He loops an arm around my waist. I jerk like he’s caught me. “You love … What? Me?” “Lucinda Elizabeth Hutton. One and the same.” “Me.” “Lucy, heiress of the Sky Diamond Strawberries dynasty.” “Me.”

“I guess I’m a bit scary. But I will never hurt you again. Anyone who ever does will find out about scary.” “You hate me.” “I never have. Not for a second. I have always loved you.” “Prove it. There’s no way you can.” I am satisfied that I’ve thrown out the unwinnable challenge. He rolls onto his side and rests his cheek on his bicep. My heart is pounding.

“You love me.” I see him smile in our reflection at the confusion and wonder in my tone. “Since the moment I saw you. Since the moment you smiled at me, I felt like I was falling backward off a cliff. The feeling has never stopped. I’ve been trying to drag you down with me. In the worst, most ill-conceived and socially stunted way possible.”

“I love you, Lucy Hutton. So much, you have no idea. Please be my best friend.” I’m so ridiculously in love. I decide to try it out loud. “I’m in love with Joshua Templeman.”