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Books were, and always would be, something a little magic and something to respect.
The plight of the little humans. There is no dignity for us in this oversize world.
His lips curve and I touch his face. The first smile Joshua’s ever had in my presence is pressed against my lips.
“I need to ask you something.” Sometime later, his voice cuts through the hazy darkness. “It’s not fair to ask now, but I will. If I could think of a way to get us out of this mess, would you want me to do it?” I’m still holding on to him like he’s the only thing stopping me from falling off the planet. “Like how?” “However I could. Would you want me to?” If he would be my friend for the days left, it would be enough. It would be wonderful enough to burn away the negativity. That smile would be enough.
How can he be these two different men? A second realization hits me. Perhaps I am a determining factor. The concept is scary. The only way I can get him to drop his guard is to drop mine. Maybe I can change everything.
The energy that usually lashes ineffectively inside each of us now has a conduit, forming a loop of electricity between us, cycling through me, into him. My heart is glowing in my chest like a bulb, flashing brighter with each movement of his lips.
Please, I beg myself. Please hate Josh again. This is too hard.
“If it’s late, I end up having to stay back.” “You don’t have any family here, or a boyfriend, do you? Late nights don’t affect you like they do for people with husbands and … well, people with families.” “Well, I’m not going to get myself a husband or a life if I keep staying until nine o’clock at night, now am I? I’ll expect the report from Alan at five.”
“You guys have a weird dynamic going on.” “There’s no dynamic. No dynamic.” I begin swigging at my coffee. It’s too hot and a terrible idea. “But you know he’s in love with you, right?” I inhale my huge mouthful and begin to drown on dry land. Danny leans over and thumps me between my shoulder blades. Tears are streaming down my face. I wish he’d let me die. “He’s not,” I wheeze.
Mr. Bexley puts his head out of his office, looks at us both, and shakes his head. “Hell in a handbasket. I tell you, hell in a handbasket.” A witchy Shakespearean crone has nothing on him right now. Josh laughs. “Richard, please.” “Shut your mouth, Bexley,” I hear Helene call faintly. He
A strange sensation stirs in my chest. It unfolds, grows twice as large, then again. It doesn’t stop; it gets faster, bigger, feathers and fluff stuffing my chest like a cushion. I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s filling up my throat and I can’t find any breath.
I want to leap into a rowboat and sail to a deserted island. Only then will I be able to face up to it. I have feelings for Joshua Templeman. Irreversible, stupid, and ill-advised feelings. Why else would this hurt so much?
“I had it all planned.” He finally finds his voice again, moving me backward smoothly to the bed. He hauls the coverlet away and lays me back against the sheets with easy strength. “It was going to be a little more romantic than a hotel room.” Josh, thinking about romance? My heart can’t take it. He captures my mouth in a kiss, and it’s so gentle I could cry.
I want to tell him, yes, rent this room for the rest of our lives. If I had more time, I could make you love me. The realization has me by the throat.
Brute, raw masculinity contrasted with gentleness is the most attractive thing on earth.
I open my eyes a tiny crack. We’re in a parking garage. “We’re home,” he says. I think the unthinkable. I should have been thinking it all along. My eyes slide closed and I feign sleep. “You need to wake up,” he whispers. A kiss on my cheek. A miracle. I love Joshua Templeman.
“I record whether you’re wearing a dress or skirt. D, or S. I make a mark when we argue, and I make a mark when I see you smile at someone else. Also, when I wish I could kiss you. The dots are just my lunch break.” “Oh. Why?” My stomach trills. He considers. “When you get so little of someone, you take what you can get.”
“I couldn’t. If I’d let myself smile back, and be friends with you, I probably would have fallen in love with you.”
I love him so much it’s like a thread piercing me. Punching holes. Dragging through. Stitching love into me. I’ll never be able to untangle myself from this feeling. The color of love is surely this robin’s-egg blue.
“It made no difference. I loved you the moment I saw you.”
“You hate me.” “I never have. Not for a second. I have always loved you.”
“What’s my favorite color?” “Easy. Blue.” “What kind of blue?” “Bedroom blue!” I point at the wall. “The walls. Your shirt. My dress. Pale Tiffany blue.” He tugs me to sit, then goes to the end of the bed. He opens his wardrobe door, and I see all of the shirts hanging in color sequence. “Josh, you dork.” I start to laugh and point, but he grabs my ankles and drags me to the end of the bed. There’s a full-length mirror, and I see myself, at long last sitting on the bed in his robin’s-egg bedroom. His walls are the blue of my eyes. I’ve been a bit slow.