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Free time meant thinking. Thinking meant second-guessing
“You see, the worst thing about fucking men is they want to do the bare minimum and for us to treat them like gods,” she said when she was done. “They pretend to be clueless when you tell them you didn’t actually come in the one minute and fifty seconds of sex—no foreplay, by the way—then they act hurt and humiliated when you discuss it with them because they’re manipulative little fucks.”
“Your piece of shit ex was not angry about that; he was angry about you pointing it out. Because you fractured his bullshit fantasy that a woman should not have real, visceral needs and desire.
Especially now that she wasn’t wearing that fuck’s ring. Now that I wasn’t in danger of spending fifteen to life in a state penitentiary for killing him after laying his hands on what was mine.
“Who did this to you?” Rowan’s nostrils flared, his jaw was set in a rigid line.
“Rowan,” I said in not much more than a whisper. “Yeah, cupcake?” “What is this?” His mouth turned upward ever so slightly before he leaned in and kissed me gently on the forehead. When he pulled back, our faces were inches apart. My heart thrummed. “This,” he murmured, eyes glued to mine, “is the beginning of us.”
A post orgasm glow really was a thing, and something that no amount of beauty products could replicate. An orgasm a day keeps the dermatologist away.
I struggled to comprehend this. “I told you about this last night.” His lip twitched. “I was there.” “I told you about this last night, and today, the next day, you’re just… building me a greenhouse?” I needed to ask the question out loud.
But he didn’t go inside as I expected him to. No, he moved back to my ass, spreading my cheeks and exposing me… there. I let out a gasp as he dropped to his knees and dove in. With his mouth.
“And maybe she was a little more careful about the men she got involved with after that. But there were always men. Because my mother did not want to live in squalor. Nor did she want to do the work required to get her out of squalor.” I shook my head in disgust, thinking about the woman who birthed me.
“Now, cupcake, I’m gonna brace for a comment on feminism after I say this, but I’m gonna say it anyway. You’ve got me. You’re my woman. I’m gonna take care of you. You can relax your grip on the reins, baby. You can trust that I’m not gonna let you go off course.”
The worst thing was not finding out your mother was a complete monster. It was finding out that she wasn’t a complete monster.
“You’re watching me, saving me, getting blood on your hands for me.” I sliced a hand toward his fists. “It’s like you’re waiting for me to break so you can put all the pieces back together.”
“I’ve dealt with it as much as a human being can deal with that shit. But it changed me for life, Nora. I’ll never be whole. Never be right. Not completely. Which is why I stayed away from you for so fuckin’ long. Not because of the ring on your finger. Knew that you didn’t belong to that fuck, that you belonged to me before you even knew it.”
“Worry is not a state of mind for me, it’s a personality trait,”
