Icebreaker

by Hannah Grace

Am I old enough to not pass off the blame for my mistake? Sure. Will it stop me from trying? No.

“I’ll take you home and let you take out any remaining stress on my body?” “With a bat?”

I could bow down at her feet and apologize, but I think she’d use it as an excuse to kick me in the head.

He said he couldn’t tell me too much, but he wanted to explain. Then he proceeded to tell me everything about everyone.

He’s in a Maple Hills Titans T-shirt and gray sweats, and I hate myself for being a woman swayed by a man in gray sweatpants. Shit. No, there will be no swaying.

Looking at her makes me want to be the funniest guy in the room, so I can be the one to make her laugh.

“I’m going to teach you how to be nice.” “I’m sure there are plenty of things you can teach me, Nathan, but being nice isn’t one of them. I’m a delight.”

She laughs and, my God, that noise. I’ve never enjoyed making someone laugh as much as I do with her. It’s because she makes me work for every laugh and smile—the competitive side of me buzzes when I manage it.

“That isn’t a yes. Do I need to get on my knees and beg you, Anastasia? Is that what you want?” She shakes her head and laughs. “The only time I ever want to see a grown man on his knees in front of me, Nate, is when his face is between my legs. So no, I don’t want you to beg me.”

“You don’t hate me like you pretend you do, do you? If you want me on my knees, Anastasia, we can make that happen.”

“Ask me nicely. Let me show you how much I like it when you’re nice.” “Why would I do that when I don’t like you?” Her words are strong, but her delivery is strained and wispy, giving her away. “You don’t have to like me to scream my name, Anastasia.”

“I could give you a map to my G-spot, and you still wouldn’t be able to get me off, Hawkins.” “I don’t need a map.” “You do.”

The idea I’d need a map to get her off is laughable. Her thinking I wouldn’t spend every moment learning her body better than my own is also laughable.

“I’m heavy,” she mutters as my arms scoop under her legs and around her waist. We leave Brady and Shithead behind us as I start the walk toward the locker rooms, where the first aid room is. “Shut up, Anastasia. You’re not even half my warm-up weight.”

I’m busy listening to them discuss theories when hands land on my waist from behind, and I feel breath on my neck. “You shouldn’t be drinking. You have a head injury.”

His nose brushes mine. “Can you be a good girl and be quiet?”

“One day, I’m going to fuck your pretty little mouth, and you’re not going to be able to be such a bossy, impatient little brat.”

“You gonna come for me? Come all over my fingers, Anastasia, show me what it’s gonna feel like when I’ve got my dick buried inside of you.”

He gently pulls out his fingers and presses his lips against my damp forehead. “Open your mouth,” he tells me, a curious glint in his eyes as I look up at him, confused. I do as I’m told, too content to argue, and wait with an open mouth. He presses his two wet fingers against my tongue, and I immediately taste the heady, salty-sweet taste. “Suck. See how fucking good you taste,” he whispers.

“Stop looking at my ass, Hawkins.” “Stop having an ass that looks like that.”

“I’m jealous because I want you all to myself, Stassie, and I’m jealous of any guy you freely give your attention to. I’m even jealous of Henry, for fuck’s sake, and I love that kid.”

It was fun staying in Henry’s room. There’s a box of essentials like shampoo, wipes, hair ties, and tampons in his bathroom. I asked if an ex had left them, but he said he’d bought them for if a woman ever stayed over. He wanted to ensure she had everything she might need, especially because women never have their own socks.

“I—” Fuck. “Well, I am angry at you, Nathan.” “Good.” “So fucking angry.” “Perfect.”

I have no idea how I will make it out of this alive because my imagination hasn’t done her justice, not even a little bit. I’d say she’s going to ruin all other women for me, but I don’t think about anyone but her.

“I’m not going to act like I hate you, Anastasia.” Her body squirms, desperately searching for something to dull the ache. Her eyes narrow, and she leans forward so we’re nose to nose. “Why?” “Because I could never hate you.”

“You are so full of rage for someone so small and cute,” he teases, kissing the ugly marks on my neck.

His smile is so beautiful it almost ends me, but I hang on in there, concentrating on putting air in and out of my lungs so I look like a normal human in front of this painfully attractive man.

A hand settles on either side of my head and he leans down to my eye level. “Take off Jaiden’s jersey, or I will rip it from your body.”

“I think you need to find a way to channel your rage into something rewarding.” “I’m so fucking angry with you,” he rasps, capturing my mouth with his. He picks me up, pressing me harshly into the wall, and if I wasn’t dripping wet before, I am now.

Friendships are important, but so is living in a healthy environment.”

I’ve never liked the smell of honey and strawberry as much as I do now that I haven’t seen her.

“Nathan, will you play house with me?” “Always.”

“I can’t believe you think I could ever reject you, Anastasia,” he said in shock. “You have no idea, do you? The lengths I’d go to if you’d let me. What I’d do to make you happy.”

Being with Nate brings an overwhelming sense of safety, like whatever problem I throw at him, he’d cope with. In a world where I feel like I could be swept away by the waves at any moment, he anchors me. I value that, value him.

He’s a vocal guy and it does something to me. It’s like he flicks a switch somewhere and suddenly it’s Niagara Falls between my legs.

“Don’t give me that shit. I’ve seen what you have on your smutty bookshelf.”

I’ve been totally and utterly unhinged by a man. I’m disgusted with myself, for being distracted, for knowingly letting every sliver of feminism shrivel up and die over dimples and thick thighs.

When we’re lying on either side of our barricade at night, we talk about anything and everything until one of us falls asleep first. It’s always her; I’ll never get tired of hearing her talk about herself.

“You can’t show me anything I haven’t already seen. You’ve used my face as a seat, Anastasia. I’m a big fan of your work—arguably your biggest fan.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” I press my lips against her forehead, thinking about the best way to answer that question. There isn’t one, so I’ll have to settle. “I don’t know, but I’d like you if you had crab hands, too.”

“You already make me happy. Just let me have you.”

“I only want you, Anastasia. Nothing you can buy me is better than the past four weeks with you. Give me more of that, and I’ll be happy.”

“I know you don’t, but you’re worth defending. Every cut, bruise, every single pang of anger or frustration. It’s all worth it. I’d throw my last punch defending you because you deserve to have someone be that person for you, and there’s no one more qualified for the job than me.”

“I don’t like anything more than I like you. You’re my favorite.”

“You gonna get me a warm cloth like they do in romance novels?” she teases. “I can offer you some toilet paper and maybe a wet wipe if I have any.”

Nathan pulls me on top of him and leans back, cradling my head on his chest as I wrap myself around him. “Let it all out. You’re safe. I’m here.”

“I’m not done. You’re a good person, Anastasia. I’m sorry I don’t tell you every day. You make me feel cared for, feel listened to, and the other stuff I don’t even know how to put into words properly. You make me feel valued, for who I am as me, not who I am as team captain or whatever.”

“That isn’t a feeling I’ve had in a long time. Not since my mom was alive. I love the guys, but it’s not the same thing. I can’t think how to describe it… It’s like there’s a spot in your life you keep just for me. One I don’t have to share, one where you don’t expect anything from me. Do you know how amazing it is? How lucky I feel to know you? You make me want to be the best I can be.”

“You’re smart and determined, and you are so fucking worthy of love, Anastasia. So worthy. You’re surrounded by people who love you, and we’re all on your team. Aaron isn’t, and it’s why he’s tr...

Bossy Anastasia is my favorite; she’s determined and sassy, fucking hilarious when I don’t listen, and she starts scowling. In bed when she takes control, Jesus, I’m a lucky man. I would happily deal with Bossy Anastasia every day.