Bridget Jones's Diary (Bridget Jones, #1)

by Helen Fielding

Seem to remember from childhood am supposed to reply in same oblique style as if I am imaginary person employed by self to reply to invitations from imaginary people employed by friends to issue invitations. What to put? Bridget Jones regrets that she will be unable . . . Miss Bridget Jones is distraught, that she will be unable . . . Devastated does not do justice to the feelings of Miss Bridget Jones . . . It is with great regret that we must announce that so great was Miss Bridget Jones’s distress at not being able to accept the kind invitation of Mr. Mark Darcy that she has offed herself and will therefore, more certainly than ever, now, be unable to accept Mr. Mark Darcy’s kind . . .