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I traveled with novels the same way people traveled with their vape pens—glued in my hands. Imagine being in an awkward situation and you didn’t have something to occupy your hands with. Books had saved me multiple times on the city buses. You’d be shocked at how many times I’d escaped into reading during unpleasant commutes around the city. Novels saved millions of people from uncomfortable situations.
“Let’s just say sometimes books are better than reality.” “I gotta say, I almost don’t recognize you without a book in your hands.” “At this point, it’s my uniform.”
One of the only consistent things in my life was the fact I was going to read all the books possible. I was already at two hundred and fifty for the year, and I had no doubt I’d be able to reach my goal of three hundred and sixty-five by New Year’s Eve. Maybe a real man hadn’t gotten me off in a while, but enough fictional men said the right things to make me blush.
“Life happens when we’re not looking in all directions. Sometimes it’s messy.”
“Don’t do that, Holly,” I whispered, lacing my hands together in my lap. “Don’t do what?” “Read the parts of my book that I don’t share with people.” “It’s a good book, Kai. I wish you’d let me read it all.”
I now understood why they called them crushes—because they crushed your soul repeatedly.
“That’s the problem with trauma. Those who inflict it aren’t the ones who have to do the unpacking to heal from it.”
“Because you’re everything. You’re the sun, you’re the moon, you’re the stupid snowman in someone’s front yard with the stupid crooked carrot smile. You’re every good day and every crappy night and every in-between mundane afternoon. So I’m sorry, you can’t choose to leave me. It’s not an option. Do whatever you have to do to get past this. Be pissed at me. Ghost me for a day or two. Cuss me out and shove me around, but don’t leave me, Holly, please.” My voice cracked as I stepped closer to her. “Because if there is no you, then there is nothing.”

