The Holly Dates

by Brittainy C. Cherry

To every guy I’ve come across on dating apps: Thanks for the writing material, you weirdos. I hope you have a happy holiday. Except you, Marty. Screw you, Marty.

The funniest dedication I've come across yet lol

Before Cassie pushed the door open, she paused and glanced my way. “Are you sure, Holly?” she questioned one last time.

Cassie you're being real suspect right now *squints eyes*

“I’m in love with you,” he said, staring my way.

This bitch!

I was perplexed until I realized he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at Cassie.

I'm going to prison for a double murder

“I love you, too,” she said back to Daniel as if I didn’t exist.

This ho!

Daniel tightened his grip around her hand, and they darted off down the aisle of the church, past all three hundred and two—correction—three people from our small town.

I want to burn their houses down!

I traveled with novels the same way people traveled with their vape pens—glued in my hands. Imagine being in an awkward situation and you didn’t have something to occupy your hands with. Books had saved me multiple times on the city buses. You’d be shocked at how many times I’d escaped into reading during unpleasant commutes around the city.

That's why the kindle STAYS in the purse!

What in the Mortal Kombat…did he just sucker punch me with his words?

What??

I blinked a few times before dashing back to the taxi I arrived in and tapping it repeatedly.

Immediately lol

“Let’s just say sometimes books are better than reality.”

Preach!

One of the only consistent things in my life was the fact I was going to read all the books possible. I was already at two hundred and fifty for the year, and I had no doubt I’d be able to reach my goal of three hundred and sixty-five by New Year’s Eve.

Okay goals! Me and my ten books are rooting for you lol

Maybe a real man hadn’t gotten me off in a while, but enough fictional men said the right things to make me blush.

Blushing, cheesing, giggling

Kai.

One of my favorite names

Okay, the book was five ninety-nine dollars at Walmart, but he didn’t have to know that.

Okay, why is she actually hilarious

I couldn’t help but notice his thick thighs either.

I LOVE thick thighs

“Just because you have a pretty face doesn’t mean you get to wreak havoc and stand around to witness the aftermath. Go.”

You think I’m pretty??

“Did you just call me pretty?”

Asking the right questions lol

He tried to tug it one last time, and as he did, it sliced into the palm of my hand. A stream of blood began trickling down my hand and forearm.

Jesus Christ 😂

“Look what you did!” we hollered in unison. “Me?!” we both barked. “Yes, you!” we scoldingly echoed.

They are a trip! They’re meant to be ❤️

“You sure have a lot of demands for a man who cut me.” “I didn’t cut you!” “Yes, you did! You cut me deep!” I dramatically stated.

This book is hilarious!

As a millennial, I did what most of us did regarding trauma. I sent self-deprecating memes to my friends, worked longer hours so I wouldn’t have to face my emotions, and buried said trauma deep, deep down while reminiscing about how great ’90s music was.

Sir please, lower your fucking tone

“Last week, we had positive pregnancy tests. We came in to get a blood test to confirm it, which we did. Then a few weeks later, you’re telling us there’s no baby? But instead, it’s cancer?”

I am SO sorry!

“How serious is it?” Penelope cut in. The doctor’s grimace deepened.

I’m about to cry

Cassie had already revealed her first solo project to the world while I was in the depths of writer’s block. It didn’t seem fair at all.

Expose her! EXPOSE HER! I would have made a TikTok and it would have been OVER

“Oh, Barry and I didn’t work out,” I confessed. She cried.

She’s a mood lol

because last year, I’d lost the two most important people in my life.

FUCK them

They danced up and down her figure before pausing on her chest, the third most beautiful part of that woman after that smile and those eyes, then he moved his stare to hers.

He loves her smile and eyes 🥹

“Okay, so dick me.” He arched an eyebrow. “Excuse me?” “Dick me. Be a dick to me and tell me what mistakes I’ve been making over the past few weeks.”

Excuse me??

Otherwise, my mother will think I will die alone in my apartment with Grandma.” He raised an eyebrow. “You live with your grandma?” “Oh. That’s the name of my cat, Grandma.” “You named your cat Grandma?”

That is hilarious

“Rule number one: don’t offer to cover the bill,” he ordered. “But I’m an independent woman, and I can—”

Holly I’m cracking up 😆

“No, it doesn’t. If he’s doing it right, he’d lock eyes with you as he’s on top, lift your legs to his shoulders, move in close to your ear, and whisper the only two words that matter.”

Please continue 😏

His mouth parted, he leaned in closer toward my ear, his hot breaths falling against my skin, and he whispered in his deep, gruff voice, “Good girl.”

I just fell to my knees! My weakness 🫠

I felt my cheeks flush as my body heated from two simple yet powerful words. Good girl.

If I ever hear those words, ooh boy!

Kai’s face shifted to anger. “Screw that jerk. You look exactly like your beautiful photos. You look even better in person.”

If you want to date her, just say so

“You have a thing for emotionally detached men. Besides, I’m six years older than you. I’m off-limits.”

All I got from this conversation is that you're 31 *tucks hair*

His slicked-back dark hair or his full, perfectly groomed beard?

Essential

I’d be an idiot not to be somewhat attracted to him. Plus, he called me a good girl.

Exactly!

“See! I’m growing on you.” “Like a witch’s wart.” “Did you just call me magical?”

Why is she me??

Even though I wasn’t supposed to intervene with her dates, sometimes I couldn’t help myself. I could see the discomfort in Holly’s normally bubbly personality, and I wasn’t going to have her sit there with jerks who made her uneasy.

So sweet!

I tried to keep my composure, but I saw Holly’s discomfort from Paul’s advancements, and the dark chocolate comment was the final straw. I wasn’t going to have her sit there and put up with his bullshit.

Just say you like her already

Sure, he wasn’t at Holly’s level of attractiveness, but not many people were.

Dude lol

I wondered if she wore the same perfume she had two nights prior. The one that smelled like apples and fresh autumn mornings. I was engulfed in her scent when she walked past me the other day. Whatever that smell was, it belonged against her skin.

Aww!

I didn’t know why that made me uneasy. I was having trouble decoding the emotions hitting me that night.

Just say you're jealous lol

“You’re too good to me, Kai.” “I want to be better than good. I want to be your safe place.”

He's a good man Savannah, a GOOD MAN

I’m glad you had a good night. You deserved a good night.

Kai! Such a sweetie pie!

“Isn’t it my job to impress the guy? Because if I don’t, he won’t want to stay.”

Not too much on her Kai, she's traumatized and rightfully so

“Geez…no, Holly. Your only job is to be yourself. That’s all that matters. It’s his job to impress you. You’re already good enough. You have nothing to prove.”

He always knows what to say

“You look beautiful, Holly. Matthew will love it,” he told me.

I swear he's the sweetest man ever

Yeah. Except for you.

He doesn't hate me!

I’d never tell him that, but perhaps a small, tiny, minuscule part of me had developed a feeling or two for Holly. I couldn’t blame myself. The more she was around me, the more I missed her when she left. Her freaking witch’s wart, beautiful smile, breathtaking eyes, and…

We got him!