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February 1 - April 13, 2025
The deeper you love someone, the more you’ll grieve their loss. That’s why certain losses—death, separation, divorce, and breakups of any kind that involve the heart and emotions—affect us more than other losses do.
loss is a natural part of life. In fact, it’s not a matter of if; it’s a matter of when.
two important truths: Pain is not permanent. Pain is not pointless.
One thing they were adamant about was that we tell our two living children that River had died. Not to attempt to soften it with words like he was sleeping, resting, in a better place, or any other analogy that pandered to their emotions or possibly led them to the conclusion that they wanted to go there and be with him.
“I would like you to think of yourself as a tree, not a rock. Maybe a big oak with deep roots that still bends and sways, and occasionally loses branches to weather the storm, but stays upright.”
Me: Your roots must be very strong to support your trunk. Tree: It’s not how strong they are. They are as limber and fragile as my limbs. The strength comes from how I bury them in the soil and intertwine with roots from other trees.
Me: Why is everyone dropping leaves? Tree: Because there are seasons when we don’t need our leaves. When that season passes, it gives us space to grow new, brighter, and more plentiful leaves.
The rate with which we lose them is not important. Any slight breeze or drop of rain can affect some differently than others, but the fact is, we will eventually lose them all. Every last one. And with every leaf we drop to give space for the new, the old is not wasted. They join the others on the ground to perpetuate the soil.
allow the river to feed my growth to the sun, but if I were worried about losing the river, then that would put me and my saplings in danger of losing the light.
Me: I’ve lost my River. What should I do? Tree: Shed your dead leaves. Don’t hang on to a single one. Drop the burden. New leaves will then have space to grow when the season changes, freeing you of the weight while at the same time preserving the future of your forest. Be thankful that your soil has been enriched by your River along with the fallen leaves and branches of your ancestors. Use your unique soil and the roots of those closest to you to hold you in perfect balance as you keep reaching up, up, up toward the light.
I repeated the mantra to myself, “You saved lives today, Riv. Your story matters.”
They knew I was pretending. My bus drivers superglued Lightning McQueen cars to the dashboards just like the one I carried in my blue jeans pocket. The sound crew put them on their audio consoles. (Those toy cars are still there today.)
And things like self-discipline, setting family and business goals, gratitude, healthy eating, exercise, mindfulness over distractions, reading books instead of scrolling TikTok, those are some great things to practice in life.
Although we can pretend to contain our piece of waterfront, we can’t control the power of the river itself. That comes from the Source. And until we finally connect with the Source of the river, everything done downstream is useless and therefore powerless to make a difference.
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; This is to have succeeded.
The world wants to tell you that you have to forgive yourself and let go of the guilt, but a guilty man can’t forgive himself when at his core he still believes he’s guilty.
time. I didn’t look for a new parachute; instead, I set out to repair the broken one.
Every year a tree sheds its dead leaves. Some might hang on longer than others, but even those will eventually get pushed out by new growth. It’s the process of rebirth. You might think that dead leaves are just wasted, but they are not. They’re preparing the forest for what’s to come. The fallen leaves decay on the ground and become nutrients for the soil, which is the lifeblood of the forest. If during this process the tree constantly focused on looking down at the soil and the dead leaves, then it would miss the source that causes the rebirth in the first place—the sun.
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:21)
“The LORD of hosts has sworn: ‘As I have planned, so shall it be, and as I have purposed, so shall it stand.’ ” (Isaiah 14:24)
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
God uses us to help others, and when we do, we experience a peace that surpasses understanding—peace like a river.
“Daddy, does God make some of the trees and man make some of the trees?” I was caught off guard by the obscure and profound question but even more surprised when I answered suddenly without any thought at all, “No, buddy. God makes all the trees. But sometimes man has to plant the seed.”
When Jesus taught His disciples how to pray, He said, “Give us this day our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11). I’ve often wondered why He didn’t just give us bread that would last a lifetime. I’ve come to realize that we need to be renewed day by day.
The longer we drive around with a full fuel tank, the longer we don’t need to refuel at the station. And the longer we stay away from the station, the less connected we are with the Source. And when we become disconnected from the Source, well, hopefully by now you can see where I’m going with this.
Loss is not only a part of our lives, it’s also necessary for us to truly understand joy.
