Dr. Neff also draws a clear distinction between self-compassion and self-esteem. While self-esteem builds up our psychological defense by cultivating a feeling of high self-regard, self-compassion is a method for developing self-clarity. For example, while “I’m the youngest attorney to make partner in my firm’s history, so I must be doing something right” might help with self-esteem, self-compassion asks us to look inward and reflect on how we treat ourselves. It looks more like: “I felt scared while going up for partner, and I took care of myself with kindness.”
