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Trent was my most frequent visitor. At first he’d been a bit surprised by how enthusiastic I was about the whole thing, but he soon warmed up to the idea. After a whispered conversation with Nathan one morning, they both gave me knowing looks and after that…well, he showed up for at least an hour every day.
“Dad is really, really freaked out about driving in the snow.” “I’m driving,” I reassured her. She nodded, but it was clear she wasn’t done. “He’s…” She shook her head, struggling for words. “Ever since mom died in a car accident he’s been really weird about cars. Especially with snow though. He might act…weird or jumpy—or like…I don’t know. Nervous? But can you…just be patient with him? I know sometimes he’s a lot but he’s really just feeling too much all at once and he struggles getting it all processed.”
“I’m worrying less about him now,” she murmured softly. “I’m glad he has a friend like you.” Jesus. My heart hurt.
“He made the choice for himself. I was just there to show him which direction he needed to take the first step.” She nodded. “But he started walking all on his own.” I repeated quietly. “I’m not going anywhere, but even if I did—he’d still be moving forward.”
It hadn’t been long but I’d changed. Baxter Baker was changing me, and I couldn’t even find it within myself to be mad about it.
“Thank you,” he murmured, like it was that simple. Like sharing what I went through was enough. Like all he wanted was to know me. Like I was… Like I was enough, faults and all.
God. I just liked him. I liked him.
I didn’t get those same fluttery vibes anymore though. His eyes were warm. His smile was honest. I wondered if he still liked her or if maybe…his crush had turned into something more…platonic?
“Don’t get me started again,” he growled softly. “I don’t have enough self-control.” I didn’t want him to have self-control.
Paxton looked at me like I was spun from gold. It was frightening. Amazing. Wonderful. I’d never had someone else look at me that way before.
“You’re my honey bee. He can find his own fucking hive.”
“I know we haven’t known each other long,” Paxton said softly. “But I’m the kinda guy who doesn’t give up when he finds something he wants.” I kissed his thumb again. “I want you, Baxter. I want you when you’re sad, when you’re happy, when you’re worried, when you’re old and gray and covered in wrinkles.”
We picked out the brightest, most obnoxious, yellow mixer in the history of the universe. And that sweet little girl beamed at me like I’d hung the fucking moon. I realized then that it didn’t matter that I’d just met her. Didn’t matter at all. She was mine.
He came over with a hop in his step, paint smudged across his cheek, and his two uncles cat-calling for him to come back. I just hugged him with my other arm, slinging my two kids together till we were smooshed up in a sweaty, warm hug. They shoved me off at the same time and I rolled my eyes, for once in my life the Christmas spirit tingling at my fingers. I couldn’t wait to surprise Baxter.
I’d never connected with someone the way I did with him. He was…fuck. He was sugar cookies, hot cocoa, and Christmas mornings. Sunbeams, summer days, and laughter.
I listened to his heartbeat as my sorrow leaked heat down my cheeks. “You’re coming home with me,” Baxter whispered, lacing sugary-sweet kisses onto my sweaty head. I just nodded, because there was nothing else I could say. I went home with him.
“Yeah…” Nathan sighed, the plates clinking as they thunked onto the table. “She’s great and all—and I love her—I really, really do. But I just…” He shrugged. “She’s not my dad?” I nodded, my cheeks hurting as I turned to beam at him. Maybe I was biased.
“I didn’t know if you were like…one of those guys who hates from inside the club.” Jesus, what a way to put that.
I thought of Baxter. “I love him.” The words popped out of my mouth with surety. I hadn’t even admitted that to myself and yet here I was. “I want him in our lives. I want…” I swallowed. “I want you to love him. I want him to be a part of our family.” Nathan nodded.
“Jeez, Dad. All I’ve ever wanted was to see you happy. You have my blessing, honestly. Just don’t…” His nose scrunched up again. “Don’t give me any details.” “Deal.”
“So we’re adopting them then,” Nathan hummed a moment later with glee. “The Bakers?” I asked, my lips twisting into a smile. He nodded. “Yeah, bud.” I grinned. “We’re adopting them.”
So I spilled a bunch of hot cocoa in the kitchen but I cleaned it up. No biggie. Becca’s freaking out though. You coming soon? I think my new niece is about ready to bite my head off. Help.
I’d never been the kind of person who loved fast or fell hard. But Baxter was an avalanche I was gladly walking toward. I wanted him to smile for me.
I wanted to be his home, just like he was swiftly becoming mine.
He was my constant. The moon that rose every night. The crisp taste of snow in the air before the storm ever hit. He was warm hugs, hot cocoa, and wood shavings.
“You all probably know me as the grouch who lives on the south side of town.” There was a rumble of laughter through the air and I felt it bubble up inside me in answer. “But I’m more than that, apparently.” Everyone silenced again.
“I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is that I’m in love with Baxter Baker.” I’m in love with Baxter Baker. I’m in love with Baxter Baker. I’m in love with Baxter Baker. “And I’m keepin’ him. If that’s alright with him. My asshole-ry aside.” Paxton glanced down at me, his lips wobbling. “Not that it’s any of your business—aside from Baxter’s of course. But I figured you all have the right to know that I’m gonna be takin’ care of him from now on.”
His eyes said, let me love you. They said, I’m sorry I’m not better. They said, I’m proud to call you mine. They said, give me a chance to show you.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done—I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” My throat felt tight and clogged. “Paxton is amazing—and I know he says he’s gonna take care of me but I just wanted you all to know that I’m gonna try to take care of myself first. It may take a while for me to learn how to do it, but every step forward is…a step in the right direction.” I blinked, realizing I’d missed something very important. With a wet smile, I tipped my face up to meet Paxton’s once again. When he met my gaze the rest of the world melted away. “Oh, and I love you too.” I said softly.
Paxton grinned. I kissed him again. He tasted like home.
“Thank you for all of this,” Baxter said softly. The awe and wonder in his voice was so genuine I couldn’t help but react. My throat grew dry all over again and my eyes burned. I glanced around the room, seeing it through his eyes, the act of love had become more apparent than ever. “You’re the sweetest man I’ve ever met.” I’d never been called sweet before. Hadn’t realized it was something I craved.
words throbbing their way through my heart. “I love you,” he returned, stroking over my cheekbone in a way that made me weak-kneed and breathless. “I’m going to take care of you,” I swore, my voice wobbling. “I know you will, Paxton.” Baxter laced a gentle kiss against my lips that had my pulse fluttering and a hot tear slipping down my cheek. “I’m going to take care of you too.”
About six months into dating his dad, Nathan had tentatively pulled me aside to ask me if he could call me something other than Baxter. So apparently my name was now Blond Dad and/or Small Dad.
Rose petals decorated the floor, candles bleeding wax onto the granite counter. I hadn’t noticed before, but now that I was in the center of the room I couldn’t help but catch the scent of hot cocoa in the air. Paxton knelt on one knee, surrounded by what looked like a hundred or more roses, his massive body shaking with nerves as he stared at me, cheeks ruddy.
Paxton supported me, loved me, and made me laugh. He was quick to anger but even quicker to soothe—his ire rarely ever pointed in my direction. Despite his gruff exterior he was excellent at communicating and every day he got better about telling me his feelings, just as I got better at telling him mine.
I loved everything about him. I loved how grouchy he was in the mornings. I loved the way he fretted over Nathan. I loved his laughter, his anger, the way he thought I was the cleverest man on Earth for showing him the ways of heated coats. Most of all, I loved the fact he’d chosen to lean on me, to trust me. To let me into his heart. To let me love and protect him the way he did me.
Somehow along the way he’d taught me how to be Dad, business owner, and Baxter.
