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“The thing about prime numbers,” says Agate, “is that they are very unlikely to be generated by natural sources.” “Hey!” Kevin objects. “Spoilers!” “Kevin Matapang, mathematical facts are not spoilers.”
“Time to pee!” I say—sort of announce, really. Kevin snorts at me: “Hey, man, thanks for sharing.” “I mean the puppy, doofus.”
Anyway, it’s making a noise like it’s getting murdered and finds getting murdered kind of annoying.
“Fair exists only in baseball,”
Agate needs remedial whisper training. Her voice carries at least three rows, and a bunch of people turn and look at me.
Hey, kids, today we’re celebrating the 753rd Sunday of Ordinary Time with some pipe-cleaner crafts!
very Grin And Bear It phone call.” “The GNB-est,” I agree.
If you’re thinking twenty emus is not a lot, then you’ve never seen emus. I don’t think I had, up until now. We don’t get them much in Omaha.
I read about them later in Agate’s book and learn that one very bad strategy for herding emus is to run at them, shouting and waving your arms. In the pasture behind the Van der Zwaan farmhouse, people are trying to herd emus by running at them while shouting and waving their arms.
The firefighters salsa closer.
if those are really twenty-five thousand dollar birds being chased around like sugared-up toddlers at a Chuck E. Cheese, I don’t blame him.
“You know, Simon, I don’t think it’s good that you said that all in the third person,” Agate says. “You should discuss that with your trauma specialist.”
“I wanted to tell you because you’re my best friend.” Agate’s eyes widen, and then she smiles like—not even like the moon. Like the sun coming up. She shines. “I am?!”
We’re not holding hands but we’re close: Our pinkies are brushing together.
In a kissing-book way?
I hug Agate good-bye,
I figure we’ve learned everything there is to know about igneous versus metamorphic rock—something I hear comes up a lot in life—
Two weeks ago, one of the other girls called Agate a hippo. Agate told her that hippos can charge at thirty kilometers an hour, and that hippos, not tigers or anything, are the large animal that kills the most humans. Then she smiled so big her molars showed and went back to running across Utah. Today, she turned up in a brand-new tank top featuring a hippo wearing four red running shoes.
Love Agate
“Hey, Simon,” says Agate. “So, you are having a panic attack.”
“How?” I say. “Where? Who?” (When? Why? That unit from English class came in handy after all.)
You could hear a squirrel drop.
“I’m going to give people in this town something new to talk about. You in?” Kevin pauses. “Yeah,” he says. “Okay. Avengers assemble. I’m in.”
somehow I fail to mention that the normal things we want to do include faking a message from space aliens.
Cool Ranch Doritos,
This book is sponsored by cool ranch doritos
“Wow,” says Kevin, whose mom is an astrophysicist. “So, you’re, like, super smart.” “Yes,” says Agate. “But sometimes people don’t like that.” “I like that,” I say. “Me too,” says Kev.
“Hey. So. I wanted to say.” She turns and blinks at me. “What?” I can’t quite get it out. “So you’re super smart.” “And super strong.” “And I’m super sorry. For yelling at you. That’s what I wanted to say.” She drops her chin for a sec. “It’s okay,” she says, her voice little again. “It’s not, though. I was…There was a lot going on. But I didn’t mean to blow up at you.”
No one wants to steal Mr. Bagshott’s extension cord, because we watched him put it in his emu barn and we know that emus have five-inch talons and can kick with the force of a sledgehammer, and also because we know that stealing is wrong.
That seems like an afterthought
Her heart—or at least the professional part of it—got hit by an eighteen-wheeler and dragged to a truck stop in Iowa.
Real
I think about nothing. Or everything. I think about attics and tree houses and supply cupboards. I think about my old dead friends and my new alive friends and my dog. Agate said there was nothing special about now, but it kind of feels like there’s something special about now.
“Hey, guys?” I say, rising up onto one elbow. “What if we do this backward?” “Huh?” says Kevin. “What if instead of your calculations, we put the microwave up, line it up with the Big Ear, put up the telescope thing—” “Theodolite,” says Agate. “And wait for Vega to, like, rise into the crosshairs.” “Oh!” says Agate, leaping up. “That’s so smart! Simon!” “Hey! Try to be a little less surprised.”
Yep: Family Lego Huddles are officially trauma specialist approved.
Kathy Catchpole is scanning for a door. The peacock is scanning her. His tail begins to rise. Kathy Catchpole starts to turn around and Pretty Stabby snaps his tail open. Kathy Catchpole freezes. Dad is humming something that it takes me a second to recognize as the fight music from Star Wars. Mom leans her head on Dad’s shoulder. “I love a Boss Battle,” she says. “So cathartic.”
“You are my favorite child,”
She says to her only child
(Yep, the Van der Zwaans own camping gear. Color me surprised.)
Color me surprised.)
“Now we’ll both have a trauma,” I tell him. “Get them to make you a shirt!”
“Plus, Mom clearly loves coffee more than me.” Mom already has directions to the TV studio plotted, complete with an espresso café en route. “Absolutely true,” she says. “I would sell you to the fairies for magic coffee beans.”
Ms. Snodgrass looks like she’s just eaten Mr. Tuna.
In small towns, the permanent record principals are always threatening you with is a real thing.
“Honestly, Kevin, I thought you were more responsible than this. What were you thinking?” “What was I thinking?” Kevin’s voice is kind of flat and stiff, like he’s rehearsing his science fair presentation. “Okay, what was I thinking? At the start I was thinking about Simon. Did you?” “What?” she says. The junior scientists holding me shift awkwardly. One of the media people has started to lift a microphone. One of the emus makes a weird honking noise. “Did you think about Simon when you told everyone about what happened to him?” “I—” she stutters. “I just wanted to be sure he had all the
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“I’ve told you before, Agate Grace,” says Pearl Van der Zwaan. “Gravity is a cruel mistress.”
“I’m glad we did all of it,” says Agate. Something happens to her dimples and they turn into the shining ones. “I’m really glad.” “Me too,” I say. “I’m glad, Agate.” Something cracks, as I realize I mean it—I mean every word of it. Something cracks and I start to cry.
“Are you alone, sweetheart?” the hot-dog nurse asks. I look around but Pearl Van der Zwaan is nowhere in sight. “I guess,” I say. “But my parents will come. So I’m okay.” The surprising thing is, it’s kind of true. If Agate is okay—if. If she is, then I am, too. Even though I’m in a hospital.
lay off the basketball or however you did this.” “He jumped out of a tree house after pranking a radio telescope,” says my mom.
Mom’s looking up at him, and I can see her professional mask melt off and her face warm up like she’s falling in love. I get it. Agate did that to me, the very first time we met.
Mmhmm see i told you
“There’s a little walking garden, across from the main doors,” says Dad. “Does it have a peacock?” I ask. “Not yet, but we’re going to donate one.” “Perfect,” I say.
“Todd makes beautiful puppies,” rumbles the Viking. “But we might have to stop breeding from such a strong-willed sire.” “Herc’s perfect,” I say, indignant for my pup. “But Agate says he jumped out of the tree house after you?” “So did she!” I object. “And she would also make a terrible guide dog,”
She reaches out and grabs my wrist. We’re quiet for a minute.
Kissing book vibes
“What was that thing you said, about there not being anything special about now?” “Oh, that. That’s not me, it’s Einstein.” “Nah. It was mostly you.” Our hands are next to each other, so I bump her thumb with my thumb. “Tell me again?” “Okay.” I can tell she’s smiling even though she has her head tucked down. It makes the back of her neck turn pink. “The ‘special now’ is the idea that the past is super different from the future, and we can’t touch either of them from here,” she says. “But it’s not true. The past still exists, and the future already exists. They’re just here, all around us, all
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