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’Twas the night before Thanksgiving when all through the office, not a person was stirring, not even Alba from Human Resources trying to get in the last of her ten thousand steps.
I knew this wasn’t going to be easy and I’m prepared to lose sleep in order to achieve my goals.
If I met this girl in real life I’m confident I would count that on my list of most traumatic events
“Can I get a glass of your cheapest red wine?” “It’s an open bar…” “I don’t like to live above my means.”
“By creating some elaborate scheme about how we’re dating? As if I would ever date someone who I’m fairly certain has escaped a mental facility.”
If I have to read on more sentences of this novel I’m going to check myself into a mental facility
They were delicious. I can already feel them on my hips. And trust me, my hips have already suffered the consequences of a dozen gingerbread cookies and a container of peppermint bark.
Using these kind of insults when your novel is targeted towards young females is disgusting, stop normalizing this in media.
That I’ve kissed.
I don’t believe this author has ever been kissed
“Besides, you’re already ruining your workout with a bowl of sugar. You don’t need more carbs.”
Using these kind of insults when your novel is targeted towards young females is disgusting, stop normalizing this in media.
“Because I’m an emotional eater and your lack of Christmas cheer is making me very sad.”
I can’t stand this
"I mean, it's already on my Snap, so..." Bree says. She also put me vomiting into trashcan after too much to drink on her Snapchat. Bree is a great friend.
This sentence had me vomiting in the trash can
"So just Christmas trees, coasters, and PornHub Unlimited?"
“Christmas shopping for a man” who really needs gender equality, not this author…
“When aren’t you in a state of distress? You almost started crying this afternoon when you couldn’t find staples.”
35 pages in and she has mentioned filling the stapler THREE TIMES
“Do you have very specific tastes in decorative pillows?” “Just that you specifically don’t buy them.” I’m sure he’ll change his mind when they’re delivered on Tuesday.
Your internship would be terminated if you order decorative pillows to your bosses house with his credit card
You can follow Bree’s Snapchat if you’re interested in the visual recap.”
Have never seen a picture of this author and I can confidently say she is a 32 year old white woman
It’s Asher, who conveniently had to miss tonight’s festivities because his favorite episode of Friends was on.
You’re telling me the moody, grumpy, hates everything guy you’ve been trying to portray watches friends
the only reason they should be requesting me is because they saw one of my legendary karaoke performances on my Instastories.
I had to take a break here
Tonight, I decide, can’t get much worse.
litterly nothing bad has happened
“Have you seen my boobs in this shirt?”
are you joking
So I sit and wonder what life would have been like if I hadn’t been dealt such a shitty hand.
girl… you can’t be fr
