Faking Under the Mistletoe

by Ashley Shepherd

Even though I would rather get a pap smear than share my food with anybody,

I love carbs the way most people love their children.

“Do you think if I throw myself in front of the horse, it will trample me?”

Well… the core muscles I could have if I ate less chicken nuggets and exercised more. Maybe I’ll make that my New Year’s resolution. To exercise more. I’m definitely not going to give up chicken nuggets.

“Cool Uncle Asher knows all the words to Love Is an Open Door, doesn’t he?” “Bet your ass he does.”

In fact, someone should throw some holy water in my face.