I know now—I get them, how fucking tied they are to each other and their monumental levels of dysfunction—that she was crying because she was trying to have sex with someone who wasn’t BJ. I should have known that, should have seen it, but she’d already got me by then. I was all in, all in love and shit. She could have fucked me or fucked me over, it wouldn’t have mattered either way. I wasn’t going anywhere. I still haven’t gone anywhere. I don’t think Beej knows that part—don’t even know if he should know. I don’t want to be the one to tell him either because it’s our chink; if we’d kill
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so messy omg
