Single Dads Club

by Rebel Bloom

I was too far gone to stop my monologue.

A millenial def wrote this omg...

“I’m so sorry for barging in on your meeting and ranting.

Nah...like who does that. That was so hard to get thru

Shaving and waxing? A real man isn’t going to care if you’re not baby smooth.

Real

“I’m a man, Win. A strong man who likes curves and standing while fucking. My back is built for a woman like you, so don’t you worry about it.”

...

All three of them? Direct me to the closest shrink.

Wait shes real ash

“You’re going to make him insufferable, baby.”

Birdie

I cant get over how ridiculous this name is

Winnifred Tulip Lane.

wild name

Of course, I had terrible luck.

It's just comedic atp

You turned green when Brooks came in with that tuna sandwich earlier. Why don’t you go to the doctor?”

Oh. Oh no.oh no no.

My life wasn’t filled with hot men hitting on me and calling me beautiful.

:(

I’d willingly be her personal sex therapist for life if it meant she’d keep showing up with her pouty lips all pursed and full of pleas.

Hes so down bad it's nuts

“Do you need water?” Jack smacked him. “She’s not a fucking plant. But… Do you need water?”

“Maybe it takes three good men to fill your dad’s shoes. Nothing wrong with that.”

!?!?

“What the fuck is going on here? Are you sleeping with two men, Winnie?” Sawyer stepped forward. “Don’t forget me.”

This made me lol ngl

“She wasn’t always the way she is now. She married me thinking the family name was going to come with more prestige. Her parents and grandparents were high ups at some preparatory school, and she wanted to be like them, but the school shut down. I think years of working jobs that she and her family thought were beneath them made her bitter. I guess when everything disappoints you, you turn mean.”

Oh my gods, no LMAOOOO

Jack’s booming voice came from the kitchen. “What are you doing looking at the classifieds?” I winced and did the only thing I could think of. I linked my arm through Cindy’s and pulled her into the house. “We can do the walkthrough right now.”

Shes a mess omf

“So, we tell her this isn’t a hook up and that she can’t get away from us.” Sawyer swore. “We sound like psychos if we do it that way.”

I lol

“She would put a curse on Principal Stand!” “Your grandma is not a witch, Birdie! She doesn’t curse people!” “Yes, she does! She curses people, and she’s going to curse that mean woman!”

Wait... Am i grandma /hj

“That’s a terrible curse. You’re better than that!” “It’s all I could think of! What would you do that’s so much better?” I groaned. “No, that’s not what I meant, Birdie. I meant you’re better than cursing—”

Im crying, thats a witch in training LOL

“Kidnapping seems fine.” Jack looked around the kitchen and scrubbed his hands through his hair. “Especially when she’s not taking care of herself.”

These are normal civilians, im crying

I was going to have to buy a mini-van. Or maybe a fucking bus.

Ts is so funny

What vehicle was going to hold seven kids and four adults? I was going to have to get a special license to drive whatever it was.

“She slapped my stomach this morning and asked me if everyone was pregnant.” Beck frowned again, remembering he was mad at her. “I haven’t gained any weight. She’s just manipulating me to stop me from eating the last cupcake. It’s like living with a terrorist.”

Ok why is she iconic

She’s going to the hospital and then straight to therapy.”

Wait theyre funny