Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway: Dynamic Techniques for Turning Fear, Indecision, and Anger into Power, Action, and Love

by Susan Jeffers

Whether it feels like it or not, you already have more power than you could ever have imagined. We all have. When I speak of going from pain to power, I am not talking about pulling the power in from any outside source. Inside of you, just waiting to emerge, is an incredible source of energy that is more than sufficient for you to create a joyful and satisfying life.

You are innately designed to use your personal power. When you don’t, you experience helplessness, paralysis, and depression—which is your clue that something is not working as it could.

You, like all of us, deserve everything that is wonderful and exciting in life. And those feelings emerge only when you get in touch with your powerful self.

1. Taking responsibility means never blaming anyone else for anything you are being, doing, having, or feeling.

Until you fully understand that you, and no one else, create what goes on in your head, you will never be in control of your life.

The point to remember is that when you blame any outside force for any of your experience of life, you are literally giving away all your power and thus creating pain, paralysis, and depression.

It is important to look at all other areas of your life as well, to determine where you are not taking responsibility. Your clue will be any one of the following signs: Anger Impatience Upset Joylessness Blaming others Fatigue Pain Attempt to control others Lack of focus Obsessiveness Self-pity Addictions Envy Judgmental attitude Helplessness Disappointment Constant state of limbo Jealousy This is not a complete list, but you get the idea. Whenever you feel any of these, determine what you are not doing in your life that is causing the telltale sign. You will be surprised how easy it is to locate where you are abdicating responsibility.

For now, simply notice that your Chatterbox is making you a victim, and commit yourself to replacing it with a loving voice. You don’t have to hang out with enemies, even if they are within you. By the way, once you get rid of the negativity your Chatterbox brings, you will really begin to enjoy being alone.

Taking responsibility means figuring out what you want in life and acting on it. Set your goals—then go out and work toward them. Take charge of your life.

Many of us spend our lives waiting—waiting for the perfect partner, waiting for the perfect job, waiting for perfect friends to come along. There is no need to wait for anyone to give you anything in your life. You have the power to create what you need. Given commitment, clear goals, and action, it’s just a matter of time.

SEVEN WAYS TO RECLAIM YOUR POWER 1. Avoid casting blame on an external force for your negative feelings about your life. Nothing outside yourself can control your thinking or your actions. 2. Avoid blaming yourself for not being in control. You are doing the best you can, and you are on the way to reclaiming your power. 3. Be aware of when and where you are playing the victim role. Learn the clues that tell you that you are not being responsible for what you are being, having, doing, or feeling. 4. Familiarize yourself with your biggest enemy—your Chatterbox. Use the exercises and tools throughout the book to replace your Chatterbox with a loving, positive internal friend. 5. Figure out the payoffs that keep you “stuck.” Paradoxically, once you find them, you will probably be able to quickly become “unstuck.” 6. Determine what you want in life and act on it. Stop waiting for someone to give it to you. You’ll be waiting a long time. 7. Be aware of the many choices you have—in both actions and feelings—in any situation that comes your way. Choose the path that contributes to your growth and makes you feel at peace with yourself and others.

Seneca, the Roman philosopher and statesman, wrote a very long time ago, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” Things haven’t changed much over the past 2,000 years, have they? It is reported that over 90% of what we worry about never happens.

STOP FEEDING YOURSELF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. Negative thoughts take away your power . . . and thus make you more paralyzed due to your fear.

An affirmation is a positive statement that something is already happening. It’s not happening in the future, but right now. Here are a few: I am breaking through old patterns and moving forward with my life. I relax, knowing I can handle it all. I stand tall and take responsibility for my life. I know that I count and I act as if I do. I spread warmth and love everywhere I go. I let go and I trust it’s all happening perfectly. I peacefully allow my life to unfold. I am finding the gift in all experiences. I am powerful and I am loving and I have nothing to fear. I focus on my many blessings.

Positive thinking changes everything in your life. Without your negative Chatterbox, you will wonder what you were always so afraid of before. You will have energy you never thought possible. You will laugh a lot and love a lot more. You will draw more and more positive people into your life. You will be healthier physically. You will be happy to be alive.

As you begin to grow, you will notice you no longer want to be around depressing people. Negativity is contagious, and you walk away feeling miserable after spending time in the company of a negative person.

The point is that you must make the effort. So many people sit at home waiting for an invitation and wondering why they are always alone. Nothing is going to come to you—especially in the beginning. You have to go out and create the kind of support system you want.

Again, AWARENESS is the key. Know that in all likelihood, as you start to take risks and grow, you are going to get resistance from people in your life. It’s a given. If it isn’t your spouse or partner, it will be your parents or your children or your friends. When you rock the boat, someone will tell you to sit down. You need not feel shocked, surprised, or self-righteous. It is their way of defending their security. Often they don’t even know they are doing it. In their minds, these admonitions and observations seem totally justified and “for your own good.” What is important is that you know what is happening.

If you cannot reason with loved ones about their destructive behavior toward you, it is best to create some distance until you learn to operate on a more adult level.

The most important thing is for you to be your own best friend. Whatever you are doing—don’t put yourself down. Slowly begin to discover which, for you, is the path of the heart. Which path in life will make you grow? That is the path to take.

The knowledge that you can handle anything that comes your way is the key to allowing yourself to take healthy, life-affirming risks.

To make it easier, ask yourself which pathway is more in line with your overall goals in life—at the present time. It is important to remember that goals constantly change as you go through life, and you have to keep reassessing them.

Each experience is a valuable lesson to be learned. If you choose Path A, you will learn one set of lessons. If you choose Path B, you will learn a different set of lessons.

Before Making a Decision Focus on the No-Lose Model. Do your homework. Establish your priorities. Trust your impulses. Lighten up. After Making a Decision Throw away your picture. Accept total responsibility. Don’t protect, correct.

IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER

SO WHAT! I’LL HANDLE IT!

Action is the key to your success.

STEPS TO SAYING YES 1. Create awareness that you can choose to say yes or no. 2. Nod your head—say yes. 3. Relax your body. 4. Adopt an attitude of “It’s all happening perfectly. Let’s see what good I can create from this situation.” 5. Be patient with yourself. It takes times to adopt a yes approach to life. Say yes to you!