Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

by Michael J. Kruger

Abuse involves domineering, bullying behavior, leaving the abused in genuine fear, especially if the abuse involves threats of church discipline.

Narcissists are remarkably good at forming alliances, building a network of supporters, and laying the groundwork for a future alienation of perceived enemies.

And the term spiritual abuse rightly highlights the core reason this abuse is so devastating to Christians—namely, because it was perpetrated by the very pastor (or elder board) who was supposed to protect them.

Spiritual abuse is when a spiritual leader—such as a pastor, elder, or head of a Christian organization—wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him as a means of maintaining his own power and control, even if he is convinced he is seeking biblical and kingdom-related goals.9

But the victims of abuse know the difference between the gentle corrections of a loving shepherd and the oppressive fault-finding of an abuser.

Abusive pastors are notoriously thin-skinned, seeing even the slightest bit of criticism as a threat to their power. Case after case of spiritual abuse has shown that criticism is often the trigger that leads a pastor to turn on a staff member or parishioner, leading to retaliation, threats, and vindictive behavior.

The rich irony here is that the pastor who is unable to take criticism is often highly critical of everyone else. That is not a good combination—and it’s the classic mark of a narcissist.

But most people give their pastors quite a bit of latitude to be real people, warts and all. They aren’t looking for somebody perfect, just somebody genuine.

Here we see a critically important principle: God will hold accountable not only the bad shepherds but also those who protect and enable them.

Bully pastors lack gentleness, compassion, and understanding.

Instead, we should look for pastors who are humble, kind, gentle servants.