Meet Me in the Blue (Hemlock Harbor, #1)

by A.M. Johnson

His skin looked soft, the brown color of it almost matched his eyes. I didn’t know if thinking a boy’s skin looked soft was a normal thing to think, but I didn’t care. He was the one staring at me like a weirdo.

“Then this will be our blue hour, Rook.” His smile spread wide as he turned to look at me. “This will always be our time.”

“You can have as much time as you need, Rook, but I promise, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, and I want my friend back.” I wanted more than anything to believe him.

But you… you’re like the sun, I can feel you from millions of miles away.”

“And I don’t care about whatever sexuality is what. Sometimes love is just love.”

“I love you too,” he said, but it wasn’t like that. Like I love you. Those three words for him meant growing up together, camping, s’more sticky fingers, Magic the Gathering, and awkward teenage angst. They meant forgive me and I’m sorry and I missed you. We were years together and years apart, and somewhere along the way, in the loss I’d felt in his absence, the lines had blurred for me, and I wished like hell they had for him too.

God, my stupid heart was such a fucking liar.

“Luka…” he called my name like he’d forgotten something. “I… I’m yours too.” “Even when you’re mad at me?” I asked, my heart dropping in my stomach, and his full lips pulled into a crooked smile. “Yeah, Luka. Even then.”

“The point to this entire story is that love isn’t easy. Love is sacrifice, son. It hurts, it’s messy, and shit, it will tear you up. At the risk of sounding like one of those greeting cards your sister loves to torture us with, I have to say it’s worth it. Love is worth every single hurt it gives. It’s worth it because it’s fucking living, and you deserve to live it.”

You don’t get to say you’re not worth it. That’s up to him, and I have a feeling he thinks you’re everything.”

“I’m afraid to fall asleep. What if I forget he’s gone, and I have to remember all over again when I wake up? I feel like if I stay awake eventually it won’t hurt as much.” “I think it will always hurt, Luka.”

I didn’t know if this was smart, or if I was opening myself up for more hurt once the sun was in the sky and tomorrow offered me no relief from yesterday.

He’s not in pain anymore, and I have to remember that, even if my pain hasn’t yet passed.”