Meet Me in the Blue (Hemlock Harbor, #1)

by A.M. Johnson

But I don’t see why I gotta change. The boys who are mean should have to change.”

“The blue hour, it’s when the sun has almost set…” He stared up at the sky, the pink evening fading into night. “When the sun sits under the horizon, it makes everything look blue. I learned about that in the photography class Mom signed me up for.”

It had been five years since I’d seen Luka Abrams. Five years of feeling lost without a compass.

“Meet me in the blue,” I said. “I’ll always be here.”

“And stop apologizing,” he grumbled and started to walk again. His big stride faster than before. “You only have to say it once, otherwise sorry becomes just another word, and the entire point of it is lost.”

“Let yourself be happy, whatever that means for you.”

I thought of Luka. Of all the years. The path between our houses. The blue hour. The fort. Rock giants and skinned knees. I thought of him, and maybe he couldn’t love me the way I needed him to, but he did, love me. And all the pain inside me intensified, crested like an ocean wave in a storm, but from up here I could see everything, and I decided happiness was forgiveness.

But you… you’re like the sun, I can feel you from millions of miles away.”

“You’re home, Luka.” Ron squeezed my other shoulder, and I had to blink away the sudden sting in the corner of my eyes. “You’re not alone

Meet me in the blue. I remembered because it was etched into my bones just as much as my marrow. Luka had always been a part of me.

It wasn’t about best friends and hurt hearts. Not anymore. Luka meant more to me than that, and maybe it took me forever to figure it out, but what we had was bigger than I ever knew, and it took me losing him to acknowledge I never wanted to let him go again.

“I need you too,” I said the four words in a shaky whisper. “You’re my best friend… I love you too much to throw that away.”

“I love you too,” he said, but it wasn’t like that. Like I love you. Those three words for him meant growing up together, camping, s’more sticky fingers, Magic the Gathering, and awkward teenage angst. They meant forgive me and I’m sorry and I missed you. We were years together and years apart, and somewhere along the way, in the loss I’d felt in his absence, the lines had blurred for me, and I wished like hell they had for him too.

He smelled like home. This wasn’t a hug you gave a friend you’d known since you were nine years old, a friend who was losing his father, or a friend you’d wanted to forgive. This was a free fall and beating hearts.

Luka clenched his fingers into the fabric of my coat, and I brushed my lips over his. He tasted like sugar and falling leaves, like the month of October. He tasted familiar, like how all kisses should have tasted.

It didn’t matter if, for the first time in my life, a kiss actually meant something, that I actually wanted more than anything to kiss him again. This was who we were, and I didn’t want to do anything to lose that. It was enough. It had to be, because more than anything, I didn’t want to be someone he needed to survive.

“The point to this entire story is that love isn’t easy. Love is sacrifice, son. It hurts, it’s messy, and shit, it will tear you up. At the risk of sounding like one of those greeting cards your sister loves to torture us with, I have to say it’s worth it. Love is worth every single hurt it gives. It’s worth it because it’s fucking living, and you deserve to live it.”

You don’t get to say you’re not worth it. That’s up to him, and I have a feeling he thinks you’re everything.”

I needed to be his roots, his refuge. His pain had always been my pain. Every breaking sob, every heaving breath belonged to me, belonged to us.

Luka and I were like two rivers, raging toward the same open sea, and there wasn’t a thing in this world, not death or distance or time, or even my own naivety that would keep us apart.

I’d known this man my whole life. He was the first boy I’d ever wanted, the first man I’d ever loved, and I never thought I’d get to have him like this, never thought I’d be the one to unravel him.

“I need you, Rook. Just you.”

You’re different with Rook than you are with anyone else. He lights you up. You make each other shine.”

“Love takes time.”

I’ve missed you for too long, and maybe I’m scared you’ll leave again without your dad as an anchor. I don’t want to miss you anymore. I want you here,”

“I don’t think there’s a timetable that fits us, there isn’t a list of things we need to check off. I don’t know a lot of things about relationships, but I know you, and I know I’m in love with my best friend. And I’m ready, Luka… if you are.”

“This is the moment, Luka. This.” He kissed my lips, my jaw. “Being here with you. I like touching and getting off, but I love this. Love you, more.”

“I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who I could truly share myself with like this.”

“Only you, Luka… that’s all I want.”

“I will always choose you, Rook. End of story.”