Meet Me in the Blue (Hemlock Harbor, #1)

by A.M. Johnson

“Guess we’ll both be loners… together.”

“Meet me in the blue,” I said. “I’ll always be here.”

“Because hiding isn’t the answer, Luka. It will only make it all hurt more… in the end.”

“And stop apologizing,” he grumbled and started to walk again. His big stride faster than before. “You only have to say it once, otherwise sorry becomes just another word, and the entire point of it is lost.”

I had to find my own way. Shit, I’d never been on my own before. Not really. I had to try. I had to stop depending on everyone else.

“I failed. At everything and I couldn’t come back here and prove everyone right.”

“I’m proud of you,” he said after he caught his breath. “I always have been. My only wish is that you could be proud of yourself too.”

“And I don’t care about whatever sexuality is what. Sometimes love is just love.” Mom nodded like she’d said the most profound thing ever. Nora covered her smile with her hand.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered. “I hate that goddamn word, but I mean it, Rook. I fucking mean it more than anything I’ve ever said in my stupid life.”

The feelings I had for Luka were turbulent, stirring inside a vacuum that was me and him and the revelation of my own sexuality. All the confusion I had, if I would ever belong to someone, if I’d ever want to, had cleared. Like stripes of sunlight breaking through the storm inside my head, he was there.

“You were my best friend. I didn’t want to screw with that. I learned… I learned to shut it out, to love you the way I knew you could love me back.”

“I don’t want to shut you out,” he said, the trepidation written deep into the furrow of his brow. “I never did. But I had to, with everything, and then my dad. It was… self-preservation.”

It didn’t matter if, for the first time in my life, a kiss actually meant something, that I actually wanted more than anything to kiss him again. This was who we were, and I didn’t want to do anything to lose that. It was enough. It had to be, because more than anything, I didn’t want to be someone he needed to survive.

Fucking fear, it ruled me, and I was exhausted trying to fight it all the time.

Luka and I were like two rivers, raging toward the same open sea, and there wasn’t a thing in this world, not death or distance or time, or even my own naivety that would keep us apart.

I was fragile, but he’d always known how to carry me.

I’d known this man my whole life. He was the first boy I’d ever wanted, the first man I’d ever loved, and I never thought I’d get to have him like this, never thought I’d be the one to unravel him.

“I’ve never done this, but I want to. I have this need… to keep going, and I’ve never had that before.”

“It’s hard preparing for death. I don’t think anyone is ever really ready, but at least we had some sort of warning.

I wanted to give myself to Rook in every way, but first, I needed to feel whole again.

“Taking time for yourself isn’t running away. It’s healthy.”

We’d fallen in love sometime between then and now, between the pages of our youth and climbing trees and the touch of his hand in mine and the heartache of missing each other.

“Stop.” I chuckled and framed his face between my hands. “You’re spiraling.” “I think this entire situation warrants at least a mini spiral.”