Fourth Wing (The Empyrean, #1)

by Rebecca Yarros

“See, I told you.” Carr lifts the notebook. “The last lightning wielder said it made them overheat. Now do it again.” Tairn chortles. “Not a single fucking word out of you,” I warn. This time, I focus on the feeling of the power rush and not what got it there, opening every sense and letting white-hot energy course through me, gathering to a breaking point. Then I release it, and lightning strikes more than a mile away. Well, look at that. I am a certified badass.

“If it makes you feel better, I couldn’t keep anything down after the first time I killed anyone, either. I don’t think less of you for having a reaction like that. Just means you still have your humanity.”

I’m already too emotionally involved to separate out the sex, no matter how phenomenal it is. “Here’s the thing. I don’t think I can separate sex from emotion when it comes to you.” Well, shit, now I’ve said it. “We’re already too close for that, and if we hook up again, I’m going to eventually fall for you.” My heart pounds at the rushed confession, waiting for his response.

“I know enough,” I argue softly. “And we’d have all the time in the world to figure it out if you’d stop acting like such an emotional chickenshit and just admit that you’re going to fall for me, too, if we keep this up.”

“I have absolutely no intention of falling for you, Sorrengail.” His eyes narrow and he enunciates every word, like I could possibly take that any other way. Fuck. That. He let me in. He told me about his scars. He had an arsenal crafted for me. He cares. He’s just as wrapped up in this as I am, even if he’s shitty at showing it.

“So the next time I see you, I’ll just act as cool as you are right now and pretend that I’m not remembering what it feels like to have you sliding inside me.” Warm and hard. He really does have an incredible body, but he doesn’t get to dictate what I do with my heart.

“And I’ll just pretend that I’m not remembering the feel of your soft thighs around my hips or those breathy little sounds you make right before you come.” His teeth rake over his lower lip, and it takes all my willpower not to suck that lip into my mouth.

“And I’ll ignore the memory of your hands biting into my hips, pinning me to the armoire so you could take me deeper, and your mouth on my throat. Easy.” My lips part as I retreat, my heart jumping in the best way when he follows, backing me against the wall.

“Then I guess I’ll ignore the memory of how hot and slick you feel around my cock, and how you cry out for more until all I can think about is how

to push every physical limit to be exactly what you need.”

Shit. He’s better at this game than I am. Heat flushes my skin. I want him closer. I want exactly what I had last night. But I want more. His breath hits my lips in ragged pants, and I’m in no better condition. Fuck it. I can have him, right? I can take exactly what he’s offering and enjoy every single minute. We can shred every piece of furniture in this room and then move to his. But where will that leave us in the morning? Right here, both wanting and only one of us brave enough to take, and I deserve more than a relationship that’s only on his terms. “You want me.” I put my hand on his chest and feel his heart pounding. “And I know that scares you even though I want you just as badly.” He stiffens. “But here’s the thing.” I hold his gaze, knowing he could bolt at any second. “You don’...

we’re not doing this again until I want to risk my heart. And if I fall, then that’s my problem, not yours. You’re...

“I think that’s for the best. I’m graduating soon, and who knows where I’ll end up. Besides, you and I are chained together because of Sgaeyl and Tairn, which complicates…everything.” He retreats one step at a time, the distance more than just physical. “Besides, with all that pretending, I’m sure we’ll eventually forget last night ever happened.”

The way we’re looking at each other tells me neither of us is ever going to forget. And he can avoid it all he wants, but we’re going to end up right here time and again until he’s willing to recognize what this is. Because if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that I’m going to fall for this man—if I haven’t already—and he’s halfway there, too, whether he realizes it or not.

Since I’ve been training every day with Carr, my appetite somewhat resembles a bottomless pit. At least he only drags me to that mountaintop for an hour a day, but still, by the time breakfast comes, I’m ravenous.

My tongue flicks over my lower lip, remembering how his hips pinned mine to the mat after everyone had left for the night. How close we both came to giving in to the pulsing need between us.

Look, you lived. Good job. Come get your assignments and then pack your shit and leave.”

away.” I miss his mouth on my skin, the feel of his body pressed against mine. I miss the look on his face when he watched me come undone. But I miss the feeling of him curled around me in sleep more.

“I’m over here keeping my hands and memories to myself because you asked me to, and you’re fucking me with your eyes. That’s not playing fair.” I drop my fork and everyone at the table turns to stare. “You all right over there?” Rhiannon asks, her eyebrows rising.

Liam sets his glass down and glances between Xaden and me, shaking his head as he fights a smile. Of course he knows what’s going on. He’d have to be completely oblivious not to, considering he helped Xaden and Garrick move in the new armoire.

“If you’d just man up and admit there’s something between us, I would strip down to my skin so you could see every single inch of me. And once I had you begging, I’d drop down to my knees, undo those flight leathers you’re wearing, and wrap my lips around—” Xaden chokes.

I grin, which earns me about six looks of confusion from our table and one set of rolled eyes from Liam. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

Maybe our father’s heart wouldn’t have given out that first time from the strain of losing him

Of course he would. Xaden is a master of containing his emotions, which is probably why he’s so fixed on containing mine, too. Or is there some other reason he’s holding himself back that I’m not considering? The sex was great. Our chemistry? Explosive. We’re even…friends, though the constant ache in my chest tells me it’s gone far beyond that. If he could just be an asshole, then I’d write that night off as just sex—ridiculously mind-blowing sex—and move on. But he’s not being an ass…not usually at least, and now I understand why he takes his job so seriously. He shoulders the responsibility for every marked one in here.

At least one good thing is coming with graduation. We’ll all be able to talk to our loved ones again.

“I was hoping you’d been given the night off,” I answer truthfully as he reaches my side. “Don’t you look handsome.” “I know.” He preens sarcastically, straightening his sash over a midnight-black doublet. “I’ve heard healer cadets have a thing for riders.”

“I’m just excited to see some people who aren’t riders,” Ridoc says, holding open the door so we can pass through the tunnel. “It’s getting kind of incestuous around here.” “Agreed.” Rhiannon nods.

“Hard to believe we’ll be second-years in a little more than two weeks,” Sawyer says. “Hard to believe we’ve survived,” I add. There was only one name on the death roll this week, a third-year who didn’t come back from an overnight mission.

A purple sash crosses his doublet, pinned to his chest by a dozen medals he’s never won from a hundred battlefields he’s never stepped foot on.

I’m going to rip Xaden’s gorgeous head off for forcing Liam through this.

The superiority in his air makes me want to snatch the medals off his chest.

By making me leave instead of staying to help, but still, he deserves the credit for me not distracting Mira and getting her, myself, and Tairn killed. Xaden’s done more than save me. He believed me when I told him Amber led the unbondeds to my room. He had an entire arsenal of daggers crafted just for me. He designed a saddle for Tairn so I can ride into battle with my peers. He’d protected me when I needed and taught me to defend myself so I wouldn’t require protection forever.

And when others are quick to stand in front of me, Xaden always stands at my side, trusting me to hold my own. But I don’t say any of that. What’s the point? Xaden wouldn’t give a fuck what these people think of him—so I won’t, either. Instead, I just continue to offer a simpering smile, seemingly in awe of the powerful men before me.

“He’d never ask this of me. Never ask it of anyone. But I told him I would keep you safe, and that’s what I’m doing, keeping you safe.” He flashes a crooked smile. “You are a good friend, Liam Mairi.” I rest my head on his arm. “You saved my life, Violet. The least I can do is grin and bear it through a fucking party.”

Not with the way people constantly glance at his wrist, like he’s the one who personally led the army to the border.

He grins, and it’s all too easy to remember how many events just like this we’ve attended together over the years. His touch is gentle when he cups my cheek.

“The staircase is about five feet to our right. I’ll distract while you slip away.” “Thank you.” I nod in thanks, offering him a soft smile. “Let’s get out of here,” I say to Liam.

“No offense, but I can fry this entire place with a lightning bolt if I want to, and I need to see Xaden, so go.”

“I mean, your aim is shit according to you, but I get the rest!” he calls out, falling behind.

him. But the longing that holds my heart hostage, this driving need to be at his side because I know he’s suffering, no matter if it means throwing myself headfirst into uncertainty…I can’t deny what he is to me. I kick off the leather slippers of my dress uniform—they’re more of a hazard than anything, and in this wind? Well, we’ll see how it goes. “I’m just…his.”

But I see him sitting about a third of the way across the narrow stone bridge, staring up at the moon like it somehow adds to the burden he carries, and my heart fucking hurts. He had the lives of all one hundred and seven marked ones carved into his back, taking responsibility for them. But who takes responsibility—takes care—of him?

Everyone across the ravine is celebrating his father’s death, and he’s out here mourning it alone. When Brennan died, I had Mira and Dad, but Xaden’s had no one.

You don’t really know me. Not at my core. Isn’t that how he replied when I told him that I’d end up falling for him? As if knowing him would somehow make me want him less, but everything I lea...

I haven’t run from a challenge since I crossed this parapet a year ago, and I’m not about to start now.

There’s more than one way to fall. Shit. That ache in my chest burns brighter than the power coursing through my veins. I’m in love with Xaden.

Mic drop

It doesn’t matter that he’s leaving soon or that he probably doesn’t feel the same for me. It doesn’t even matter that he warned me not to fall for him. It’s not an infatuation, our physical chemistry, or even the bond between our dragons that keeps me reaching in every way possible for this man. It’s my reckless heart.

Shouldn’t I grab hold of every moment we can have while he’s still here?

I take a step and then another, holding my frame upright with muscle memory I didn’t have last year, and begin to cross.

What am I doing out here? I’m risking everything to reach him. And if he rejects me… No. There’s no room for fear on the parapet.

It doesn’t scare me. I like him better when he’s real with me anyway.