Fourth Wing (The Empyrean, #1)

by Rebecca Yarros

It hurts so deliciously, it was well worth the pain of sneaking up here.

second read: once again breaking the rules to let her in his room. 🫣

“And let’s face it, he’s had plenty of chances to take me out if he really wanted.”

which would stand to reason, the argument that he actually doesn't want to kill you...

“They were mutilated violets.” His mouth tightens and I go to him, resting my hands on his head. “It’s not like they came with a death note or anything,”

lol I think they convey the message enough on their own 😂😂😂

“Why would you tell Markham about it anyway? He’s a scribe, and there’s nothing he would do even if he could.” “He said he’d still take you,” Dain blurts, his hands flying to my hips, holding me in place when I try to step away. “I asked him if he’d allow you into the Scribe Quadrant for your own safety, and he said yes. They’d put you with the first-years. It’s not like you’d have to wait until next Conscription Day or anything.” “You what?” I twist, breaking my hold, and back away from my best friend. “I saw a way to get you out of danger, and I took it.” He stands.

second read: attempt #3!!!

“I’ve been watching, Vi. He’s just toying with you, like a cat plays with a mouse before the kill.”

oh he's toying with her alright, but not in that way 😏

did you miss the part where he took every weapon so you knew exactly how easy it is to defeat you?” I raise my chin and glare at him. “I was there, and I’ve survived almost two months in this place, which is more than I can say for a fourth of my year!”

that's a really fair point! like buddy, give her some credit here! even with her lack of training, and her physical set backs, She's persevering!

“I’m not a damned liability.” My chest tightens again, because deep down I know, on the physical level, that I am. “Not to me,” he whispers, a hand rising to cradle my cheek. “But they don’t know you the way I do, Vi. And while the first-years like Barlowe and Seifert are hunting you, we’ll have to watch. I’ll have to watch, Violet.” The break in his voice takes the anger right out of me. “We are not allowed to help you. To save you.” “Dain—” “And when they gather the bodies for the roll, no one’s going to document how that cadet died. You’re just as likely to fall under Barlowe’s knife as a dragon’s talon.”

thanks for the vote of confidence...but I get the fear there...

“Markham says that he’ll put you through the first year without telling your mother. By the time she finds out, you’ll already be inducted as a scribe. There’s nothing she can do after that.” He lifts his other hand so he’s holding my face between both palms, tipping it up toward his. “Please. If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for me.” My heart stutters, and I sway, his reasoning tugging me toward exactly what he’s suggesting. But you’ve made it this far, a part of me whispers. “I can’t lose you, Violet,” he whispers, resting his forehead against mine. “I just…can’t.”

second read: I'm still counting this in attempt #3 because it's still in the same scene, but it feels like a separate attempt, he's pulling out all the stops on this one.

I squeeze my eyes shut. This is my way out, and yet, I don’t want to take it.

here's the shift. it's not her mother holding her here anymore, this is her choice.

“My dad—he was a rider until he retired last year—used to set up obstacle courses like this all the time so we could practice, and Chase, my brother, said it’s the best part of being here before Threshing. It’s a real adrenaline rush.”

I like her enthusiasm! I'm all about obstacle courses too!

focusing on the obstacle course running up the side of a fucking cliff. It looks more like a death trap than an adrenaline rush, but sure, we can go with that. Positive thinking for the win, right?

hahaha yeah!

“He said to watch out for those giant posts jutting from the side of the cliff. They spin, and you can get crushed between them if you’re not fast enough.” “Oh, good, I was wondering when it might get difficult,” Rhiannon mutters. “Thanks, Aurelie.” I locate the series of nearly touching, three-foot-wide logs that jut out from the rocky terrain like a set of round steps rising from the ground to the switchback above it and nod. Go fast. Got it. You could have included that tidbit, Brennan.

that was nice of her to share that info! guess she's not one of the people who wants Violet dead...

For the first time since Dain begged me to leave last week, I consider Markham’s offer. There are no death courses in the Scribe Quadrant, that’s for certain. But you’ve already made it this far. Ahh, there she is, the little voice that’s been riding my shoulder lately, daring to give me hope that I might actually survive Presentation.

trust the little voice!

“My problem? You think because you made friends with Barlowe and Siefert that you have the right to be a dick to your own squadmate?” Ridoc challenges.

yeah! get him Ridoc!

“Aetos is especially proud of Sorrengail.” Tynan gifts me with a mocking sneer once our instructor is out of hearing range.

heeere we go..

“Like it doesn’t bother any of you that our squad leader is fucking one of us?” Tynan throws out his hands. “I’m not—” I start, indignation getting the best of me before I can take a deep breath. “Honestly, it’s none of your godsdamned business who I’m sleeping with, Tynan.” Though

it is non of his business... but maybe don't let everyone think it's happening if it's not, since you know, they all wanna kill you for it...

Though if I’m going to get accused, can’t I have some of the perks? If I know Dain, he’s hung up on the whole fraternization-is-discouraged-within-the-chain-of-command thing like this asshole. But surely Dain would actually make a move if he really wanted to, right?

He's pussy. 😂 plain and simple. Go for the dark mysterious one, you know you wanna.

“It is if it means you get preferential treatment!” Luca adds in.

uh oh, they're starting to gang up!

“For fuck’s sake,” Rhiannon mumbles, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Luca, Tynan, shut up. They’re not sleeping together. They’ve been friends since they were kids, or do you not know enough about our own leadership to know his dad is her mom’s aide?”

YEAH! you tell em Rhiannon!

“Really.” I shake my head and study the course. “Shit. I’m…sorry. Barlowe said—” “And that’s your first mistake,” Ridoc interjects. “Listening to that sadistic ass is going to get you killed.

second read: hehehehehehehehehehe. Ridoc called it 😂

Dain would more than take exception to Tynan’s assumptions and probably assign him cleanup duty for a month. Good thing he’s on the flight field this time of day. Xaden would just beat the shit out of him. I blink, shoving that comparison and any other thought of Xaden Riorson far out of my head.

and that is why Xaden is better 😌

“I’m too short for the ramp,” I whisper to Rhi.

ooh no!!! I unintentionally called it 😂

Ridoc says, then bellows up at Tynan. “What’s the matter, Tynan? Scared of heights? Who’s the liability now?” “Stop.” I elbow Ridoc in the side. He’s not quite as lean now. The last seven weeks have put some muscle on him. “Just because he’s a dick doesn’t mean you have to be.” “But he’s giving me so much material to work with,” Ridoc replies, a corner of his mouth lifting into a smirk

lol I like Ridoc

Rhiannon gets the rope into Tynan’s hand, but instead of using it to swing to the next ball, he climbs…down. My jaw practically unhinges as he descends. Definitely didn’t see that one coming.

he gave up?! oof, seriously! who's the liability now?!

“Are you…studying?” Aurelie calls up from where she leaps onto the first ball below. “Calms me down,” I shoot back in quick explanation.

lol and it'll help the rest of you to hear here study outloud! maybe you'll remember what she says better if its an active memory! 😆 you're welcome!

“The Scribe Quadrant is looking pretty good right now,” I grumble under my breath,

lol good thing Dain didn't hear that.

Aurelie is right behind me, landing with a grin. “This is the best!” “You clearly need to see the healers. You must have hit your head if you think this is fun.” My breaths are choppy gasps, but I can’t help but smile at her obvious joy.

lol I like Aurelie

Our eyes meet, shock and terror filling her wide black eyes as the post rolls her away from me and she falls. Halfway down the cliff.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! DAMN IT YARROS!!!! I WAS REALLY LIKING HER!!!!!!😭 maybe she got a rope?!!!

The sun burns my eyes as we stand in morning formation.

oh no...

The exceptional cruelty of this ritual has never hit me this hard before. It’s not like the first day anymore. I know more than half of the names as they’re called.

oof yeah...it gets more and more real everyday...

Rhiannon shifts her weight at my side, and she abruptly sniffles, the motion jerking her shoulders once. “Aurelie Donans.” A single tear escapes and I bat it away, ripping open one of the scabs along my cheek.

😭 she didn't get a rope.

“I got caught at the chimney formation and had to use a rope to get back down. I’m too short to span the distance, but I’m not thinking about that tonight. I’ll figure something out before the official timed Gauntlet on Presentation day.”

oh shit, we're too short for the chimney too?! I would have thought it was a tighter space like an actual chimney...

“All right. Let me know if you need me.” He lets me go.

what? no attempt to get her to leave again Dain? are we starting to accept her decision?!!! 🥰🥰🥰

The burn pit is nothing more than an extra-wide iron barrel, whose only purpose is to incinerate, and the flames burn bright against the night sky as I stumble out onto the roof, my lungs straining for oxygen.

😬 sounds like the kinda place you don't wanna be caught alone with an enemy...

My scalp prickles and Xaden stops mid-step ten feet away, the set of his shoulders rigid.

second read: lol He knows you're eavesdropping.

If he wants to kill me, then fine. I’m over waiting for it to happen. Over walking through the halls in fear.

lol then why you hiding girl?

“No questions about where I’ve been?” He folds his arms across his chest and studies me in the moonlight. His scar looks even more menacing in this light, but I can’t seem to find the energy to be scared. “I honestly don’t care.” I shrug, the movement making the throb in my shoulders intensify. Awesome, just in time to practice on the Gauntlet tomorrow. He cocks his head to the side. “You really don’t, do you?”

he must be so used to people looking for any reason to rat out a child of the rebellion...

“Look, are you going to kill me or not? The anticipation is starting to annoy the fuck out of me.” I lift a hand to my shoulder and roll it, pressing in on the sore muscles, but it doesn’t help the ache. “Haven’t decided yet,” he answers, like I’ve just inquired about his dinner preferences, but his gaze narrows on my cheek. “Well, could you?” I mutter. “It would definitely help me make my plans for the week.” Markham or Emetterio. Scribe or rider.

lol knowing that would make it an easier decision. I mean, with his signet there's no chance...

“I just need to know what my chances are here.” My hands curl into fists. The ass has the nerve to smile. “That’s the oddest way I’ve ever been hit on—” “Not my chances with you, you conceited prick!”

aaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! yes Xaddy. YES!

aaaaaand now he knows you never actually wanted to be here. he's gonna start respecting you more for it. 🥰

but if you want to run off to the Scribe Quadrant—” I gasp, fear punching a hole in my stomach. “How do you know about that?” If he knows…if he tells, Dain is in danger. A wicked smile curves Xaden’s perfect lips. “I know everything that goes on here.” Darkness swirls around us. “Shadows, remember? They hear everything, see everything, conceal everything.” The rest of the world disappears.

oooooooo, he's keeping her secrets too.

“Here’s the thing, Sorrengail. Hope is a fickle, dangerous thing. It steals your focus and aims it toward the possibilities instead of keeping it where it belongs—on the probabilities.” “So I’m supposed to what? Not hope that I live? Just plan for death?” “You’re supposed to focus on the things that can kill you so you find ways to not die.”

solid advice.

“I can barely count the number of people in this quadrant who want you dead, either as revenge against your mother or because you’re just really good at pissing people off, but you’re still here, defying the odds.” Shadows wrap around me, and I swear I feel a caress along the side of my wounded cheek. “It’s been rather surprising to watch, actually.”

was that a compliment?

“People die,” he says slowly, his jaw ticking before he drags in a deep breath. “It’s going to happen over and over again. It’s the nature of what happens here. What makes you a rider is what you do after people die. You want to know why you’re still alive? Because you’re the scale I currently judge myself against every night. Every day I let you live, I get to convince myself that there’s still a part of me that’s a decent person. So if you want to quit, then please, spare me the temptation and fucking quit. But if you want to do something, then do it.”

oof ain't that a kick to the heart.

“The right way isn’t the only way. Figure it out.”

“Good luck today.” Imogen tucks an errant strand of pink hair behind her ear and aims a sickly-sweet smile right at me. “Hopefully you won’t fall…short.”

bitch😒

“He’s hot. He has that whole boy-next-door-who-can-still-kick-your-ass vibe going for him.”

Dain

“Stop letting fear leach into your voice,” Luca snaps from behind Rhiannon. “If the dragons think you’re a coward, you’ll be nothing but a name tomorrow.” “She says,” Ridoc narrates, “inducing more fear.”

lol I love Ridoc.

“Change your mind.” It’s barely a whisper. “No.” I sound way more confident than I feel. “Change. Your. Mind.” His hand finds mine, concealed by our tight formation as we descend through the passage. “Please.”

second read: #4!!!!

“I don’t know if I can watch,” Dain says, drawing my attention back to his strong face. His perfectly trimmed beard brackets full lips drawn tight into a frown. “Then close your eyes.” I have a plan—a shitty one, but it’s worth a try.

I love that. "Then close your eyes" such a shut down response.