If Mona can continue to show the exiled part that she can protect and care for it, it won’t project all those expectations onto Monk and will no longer live in the past. Instead, Monk will be the beneficiary of that secure inner teen’s irreverent sense of humor and cleverness. The other aspect of Mona’s account I want to underscore is that she used the fight with Monk to find and heal a key exile in herself. When partners can do this, they come to trust that such disconnecting episodes, as uncomfortable as they are, can be tremendously valuable opportunities to heal in ways that will serve the
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