Children get the message that they are unlovable in three different ways. The first two happen when parents objectify their kids—view them as something other than who they are. Some parents objectify by conveying that their child is very valuable, even essential, but only in a certain role. Such parents treat their children as: surrogate spouses, confidantes, or lovers; trophies whose performance or appearance should enhance the parents’ egos; sources of entertainment or distraction; saviors of their tenuous marriages; or allies against their enemy spouse. Children of those parents get the
...more
