The tropes of holism can soothe the fragmented modern mind. But the salve can come with the high price of category confusion, false equivalency, and therapeutic vagueness. When Northrup links vaccination drives to rape culture, when Brogan calls masking submission signaling vis-à-vis the state, and when Kennedy links environmental degradation and structural racism to vaccination, their rhetoric might be in the black, but their solution game is in the red.