Dig

by L.A. Ferro

"I see. Well, I’ll run a test just...

"It hurts, it hurts. Can you make it stop hurting? Please make it stop." I’m all-out crying now.

"I think I know what’s happening. That’s too much blood." Blood? What the hell is he going on about?

"Let’s roll her down to radiology? Can you please notify Dr. Roberts we might have an emergency D&C?"

"What’s going on?" I ask to anyone who’s listening.

"Aria, dear, I believe you’re having a miscarriage."

"W...

"Do you want me to call Holden?"

"No, no, no. Do not call Holden. We broke up. I’m not his problem, and neither is this."

I lost something I didn’t even know I wanted.

During those conversations, Holden never came up, and for that I am grateful. For me to heal, I need to put him out of my mind. There’s no going back. He made his choice, and it wasn’t me, it wasn’t us—and that’s okay. Somewhere through all of this, I’ve found my worth.

Maybe I had to break so that I was forced to pick up the pieces and slowly put them back together one by one and examine all the parts of me I wanted to keep, all the parts of me that are strong, resilient, and fierce. The parts of me I used to love.

You need to dig deep and find the strength within you to choose better, to want more, and to love yourself.

"So, when are you coming home? Summer hasn’t shut up asking about you and the mermaid you promised."

"I don’t know. I guess when Holden decides to put a ring on it."

"Relax, big boy, you have forever."

"Then, now, always, pretty girl."

Pain changes people.

"We’re having a baby."

"Pretty girl, I am so fucking happy. You’re my whole world, and now you’re having my baby. It’s surreal, Aria. I can’t believe that I’m here at this moment with you. I love you."

I hold her so damn tight, with no desire to move from this spot or let her go. I could sit on this floor for the remainder of the night and still not feel like it was long enough. I want to spend forever in this moment with my wife.