Dig

by L.A. Ferro

I don't care if I hurt him. Some would say that makes me a cold-hearted bitch, but I say it just makes me done.

I drive a lifted red Ford F150. It’s a total country boy cliché truck, but I don’t give a shit. I love this truck.

He is all man, with a perfectly chiseled jaw, broad, muscular shoulders that stretch the fabric of his cotton shirt, and hands that any woman would love wrapped around her throat. I’m not even into being choked but fuck if I wouldn’t let him try.

Grabbing her face in my hands, I make sure her eyes are on me when I say, “You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you. I want to do a lot of things to you right now.” Of course, because fate is a fickle bitch, Kyla pulls up, honking the horn twice. Aria brings her hands up to my wrists, still gripping her face, and asks, “Then why didn't you?”

I take a step in, closing the distance between our bodies before wrapping one arm around her waist and pinning her to my front so she can feel every inch of my arousal. “Just so we're crystal clear, I fucking want you.” Her eyes go wide when she feels my erection against her stomach, and she bites that damn pouty lip again. “Stop teasing me, pretty girl. I'm not going to kiss you tonight.”

Fucking cock block. Can't she see we're having a moment? I mean, for fuck’s sake. Resting my forehead against hers, I say, “I don't think you're ready for your last first kiss, pretty girl.”

I'm either going to see her tomorrow or I won't. She either feels me running through her veins the same way I feel her, or she doesn't.

“Kyla, we’ve been over this. Logan and I stopped dating almost three months ago. Hell, he even slept with another girl—not once, but twice.” When I look over, she rolls her eyes exaggeratedly. “Yeah, well, what did you expect? You told him you wanted a break. Was he supposed to sit around and wait for you?” Is she fucking kidding me right now?

“I just want to leave my shirt on.” I try to school my reaction and not look surprised by her confession, but I am. What the hell reason could she possibly have for wanting to leave it on? Lifting her chin, I find her eyes. “Aria, I want all of you, not parts of you. There is nothing under this shirt that will change that for me. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Let me worship you, pretty girl.”

“Holden, you can have any girl you want. You can have perfection. That is something I can never be. You think you want me, but that’s only because you haven’t seen me.” “Why do you think you get to tell me what I want? You think I don’t know you have ghosts? It’s written all over that pretty face. I never know what eyes I will get from one minute to the next. They’re either full of life or dead on the inside, and don’t for one second think I’m passing judgment, because I’m not. I simply notice my own reflection in them. So don’t think I’ll let you give me some bullshit excuse about how you don’t want me when we both know that’s not true. You’re scared.”

“I know this because I’m just as fucking scared. I feel it, Aria. It’s all or nothing with us, baby, and I can feel you falling. Let me catch you.”

“Fuck me, Holden.” “Damn, baby, I want that so bad, but we’re not doing that tonight.” I retake her mouth before saying, “Tonight was about you, pretty girl.” My fingers are still buried deep when she pushes down and says, “Please.” “Aria, fuck. Don’t make this harder than it already is, baby. I didn’t plan on this. I don’t have a condom.” I run my free hand through the hair at the base of her neck and gently pull her into me before whispering, “Trust me, this pussy will be wrapped around my cock soon enough. I’m yours, pretty girl.”

“Holden, you can’t say stuff to me like that. You know this is crazy. We just met.” She turns around to grab my shirt and pull it back on before adding, “This isn’t some romantic fairytale. This is you, finger-banging me in the back of your truck. You’re thinking with your dick and letting it cloud your better judgment—” “Aria, stop. You don’t get to tell me how I feel. I’ve meant every fucking word I’ve said. You’re right; I’m extremely attracted to you, and I want nothing more than to bend you over right now and fuck the sass right out of you, but more than that, I never want to let you go.”

“Look at me, Aria, and I mean really look at me. Hear my words. I’m not the one that broke you. I’m not someone you need to fear. I’m just a man who wants to be a part of your world.”

“Colton will be in the office next Wednesday. Let’s have lunch and discuss the details. You’re smart for not saying yes right away, which is another reason I know you’re meant for this, Aria. You're brilliant on top of being a knockout. Half of my job is throwing people off their game and making them sweat. You accomplish that with your looks alone. Throw in that brain, and you’re an ace. I know all of this is absurdly forward to say, but you're worth the risk.”

“Careful, pretty girl. If you keep looking at me like that, I might think you missed me.”

“Do you seriously think I didn’t want to pick up my phone and call or text you? You were literally my every other thought.” “So why didn’t you? Why did you wait until tonight?” He drops his arms, dragging his gaze to the ground before he brings his hands up to rest on my knees. “Because I needed you to miss me so that when I came back, that pretty heart would know it's mine.”

Clearly, Holden likes me a lot, but meeting the family is boyfriend-girlfriend level, and we’re not there. Are we? But in the next breath, I’m reminded of why I’m so infatuated with this man. “I thought you’d never ask, pretty girl.”

I put the address in his Maps app and hand it back with some extra sass as I shove it into his hand. His other hand quickly clamps down, holding mine in place. “Don’t tease me, pretty girl. I like it rough.” I’m so screwed.

“You're a fucking tease, you know that, baby? Wrap those pretty lips around that fork like it's my cock.” Again, she listens, and fuck me if this little game isn't backfiring.

“We all have a weakness, pretty girl. None of us are untouched by grief, pain, or loss. At the end of the day, some of ours are easier to identify than others. But I promise you are not alone. We have each other. You've uncovered all the better parts of me that I thought I'd lost. And I promise to help pull you back when it gets dark.”

“I need to get a condom.” But, grabbing hold of my hand, she stops my retreat. “Just the tip. I want to feel you.” Those big brown eyes are pleading with mine, and who the fuck says no? I repeat, “Just the tip,” as I grip my cock at the base and run it through her folds one more time before slowly dipping it in. We both moan in unison at the feel of having no barrier between us. Pulling out, I smack my throbbing cock against her pussy before dragging my tip through her folds once more, but this time when I move to dip in, she pushes back, and my cock slips halfway in. My hands fly into my hair before my eyes dart to hers. “Aria?” “I'm on birth control.”

“Fuck, Aria, do you feel what you do to me? I can't resist you.” I slowly start to pump into her while kissing her neck. “You're fucking ruining me. Tell me, how am I supposed to ever have anyone else after having you like this?” Her hands slide up my back to my shoulders as her legs wrap around my waist. My jaw goes slack as I pick up the pace, and she bites my shoulder to keep from moaning too loud. I slam in hard as the sensation of her bite and the feeling of being bare threaten to push me over the edge. “Fuck, baby, this cock is yours. You take it so good.”

My jaw clenches for two reasons. One: she's a dirty freak and I love it, and two: I never want to fuck anyone else for the rest of my life. I feel it in the depths of my soul. “What do you want from me, baby?” I shove in hard. “You're the only one that's ever had me like this. Is that what you want to hear?” Her legs are still wrapped tightly around my back, nails digging hard enough to draw blood. When I hear her headboard hit the wall once, I pull back on my thrusts. “You want me to tell you you're the hottest fuck I'll ever have?” Her breaths are ragged, and I can feel her starting to clench. “What will it take to get this pussy to milk my cock?”

“You realize that Tony guy has a thing for you, right?” Again, she rejects my words as truth and shrugs her shoulders before drinking her water. “I don’t know if I would say that. Today is the first day he’s looked at me as more than some little girl in over ten years.”

“Yeah, because you’re hardly wearing any clothes tonight, pretty girl.” She scoffs before adding. “Holden, please, I’m wearing shorts, not lingerie.” Gripping her thigh hard, I say, “Baby, these sun-kissed thighs and that fine ass in these cut-offs more than qualify as lingerie. Every guy wants these sexy legs wrapped around his waist while he slides home, balls deep in that pretty pussy.”

“Please don’t stop.” “Does this turn you on, baby? Do you like knowing we might get caught?” I continue slowly pumping my finger into her when she says, “Yes, I like that we could get caught.” Damn, my girl is a freak, and I don’t think she even realizes it. She loves dirty talk, praise, and voyeurism.

“Give me that mouth, pretty girl.” When she turns her head, I crush my lips to hers. My tongue wars with hers for dominance as I feel her push back on my fingers. I can feel cum dripping from my dick, and all I can think about is ripping her shorts off and pounding into her. I know she’s close. Her pussy is starting to strangle my fingers. Biting her bottom lip, I say, “Make my cock jealous, baby.”

“Aria, I’m so sorry, pretty girl. Look at me. Please look at me.” She shakes her head and cries into my chest. I give her a second before pulling her chin up so her eyes are on mine. “Aria, I love you, pretty girl. I’m so fucking scared you are going to push me away. That you don’t think this is real.” Her lips part, and her eyes dart back and forth between mine. “Holden, you can’t just say stuff like that because you fucked up. You don’t love me.” Backing her against the wall, I cage her in my arms and force her to focus only on me. “Why, Aria? Why can’t I love you? Because society says we’re too young? Or is it because we haven’t been together long enough? Tell me, how long do I have to be with you before it’s okay for me to love you?”

“Holden—” she starts, but I stop her before she says something she doesn’t mean. “No, don’t do that, Aria. Don’t say it back because you feel obligated.” She puts her finger to my lips to silence me before saying, “I wouldn’t be saying it out of obligation. I would be saying it because it’s the only word that fits how I’ve felt about you since the first night we met. I’ve never been in love, Holden, but I can’t imagine it’s not this. You’re all I think about. You’re the last thought I have before I fall asleep and the first one I have when I wake, along with every other thought after that, but it fucking terrifies me.”

“Aria, tell me, tell me you forgive me, tell me you know how sorry I am, baby.” Pressing a chaste kiss to my lips, she says, “Show me.” “I love you so much.” Bending down, I grip her ass and lift. She wraps those luscious thighs around my waist, and I sink into her in one thrust.

so deep.” With her back against the wall, I use it to help hold her in place and deepen the angle, raising her legs on my arms. “Yesss… right there.” “Fuck, baby, you love this cock, don’t you?” Her pussy starts clenching, and I know it's from my words. “Choke it, baby.” She throws her head back and starts letting out the sexiest little mewls. “Sing for me, pretty girl.”

“I want all of you, Holden. Not just the pieces.” I groan, because fuck, those words are like a punch to the gut. They’re the same ones I used on her. “I want to give them to you. I just don’t know how.”

“I don’t want to lose you.” Taking her face in my hands, I say, “You won’t. I’m here. Just promise you won’t stop fighting for me. I need you to dig. When I’m not the man I was yesterday, dig. DIG until you uncover the better parts of me, the parts that belong to you.”

I wanted to share my journey, my stories, and what helped me come out on the other side. I don't believe our hardships are meant to be saved just for us. I think sometimes they are given to us because fate knew we were strong enough to conquer them. Those hardships never truly broke us; they built us. They forged us into the people we are today. I've never loved myself more than I do now. I'd be lying if I said there weren't times when I'm self-conscious or something triggers me, and I'm taken back to a dark place in my mind, but over the years, I've found strength in that darkness.

“Baby, did I hurt you? Aria, talk to me.” She continues shaking her head and says, “Don’t stop.” What the hell? When I don’t resume, she opens her eyes, and I see it. They’re fucking haunted, and I’m sick from the thought that I’ve done this to her. Smacking my chest, she cries, “Don’t you dare fucking stop now. Finish it, and make it fucking hurt. I need it to fucking hurt.”

“You want it to hurt, baby. I can give you pain. I’ll give you all the pain I’ve lived with every day since you walked out of my life.”

“Do you like it?” he asks sheepishly. “Not that it matters, but yeah; it’s nice. It’s a perfect location to watch the sunset through that break in the trees out there.” I point out over the horizon. His face breaks out in a big goofy smile, and then he’s on me, hands around my waist, lips at my ear. “Good, because I built it for you.”

“Look around, Aria. This entire fucking house is a shrine to you. This is the spot where we had our first date, the first time I ever held you in my arms, the spot where I kissed you for the first time and told you that you were mine. When I pulled you into the water that night, you told me you didn’t like water you couldn’t see in. This dock is so that you could be on the water and not in it. It’s always been you, pretty girl. It will only ever be you.”

“I’ll wait. I’ve waited five years, and I’m not throwing in the towel now.”

“The pain makes it real,” and I’ll be damned if I didn’t feel the same way.

“Connor, what the fuck are you still doing here?” Spreading his arms wide on the back of the sofa, he says, “I’m crashing on the couch. I didn’t book a room.”

“Relax, big boy, you have forever.” Grabbing her chin, I make sure her eyes are on mine when I say, “Then, now, always, pretty girl.”

“Pretty girl, look at me. Do you feel how wet and swollen you are, baby? Your juices are dripping down my balls.” She bites her lip and picks up her pace, loving my dirty talk. “These tits,” I suck the other one into my mouth, and her pussy clenches tight. “Damn it, baby, let me see your eyes.” When her dark gaze finds mine, I bring my hands to either side of her face. “You’re pregnant, pretty girl. I know this body like the back of my hand. These tits are so full and perfect. Your slick, swollen pussy is dripping down my cock, and I fucking love it. You're growing my baby. I love you, Aria.”

“Stop, Aria. Yes, I want to have babies with you, but if it’s not in our cards, that’s okay too, as long as I have you. I love everything we have, and that’s all I need. You’re my whole world, pretty girl.” She literally starts climbing up my body, wrapping her legs around my waist and kissing her way up my neck and face. “I know what love is because of you, Holden Hayes.” Her pretty mouth finds mine, and I kiss my wife, the person who holds my heart and owns the other half of my soul.