Love, Theoretically

by Ali Hazelwood

“You look like Taylor Swift circa 2013,” she told me, pleased, finishing side-curling my hair. “I was aiming more for AOC circa 2020.” “Yeah.” She sighed. “We all were.”

“Oh really? You can relate? With your long and arduous trek into STEM academia as a white, wealthy man?”

FACTS

Any future, however, is possible: AOC will rise to power to forgive my student loans.

AOC mentioned twice

I want you to marry me tomorrow so you can go on my health insurance. I want to lock you in my room for a couple of weeks. I want to buy groceries based on what you like. I want to play it cool, like I’m attracted to you and not obsessed out of my mind, but that’s not where I’m at. Not at all. And I need you to keep us in check. I need you to pace us, because wherever it is that we’re going . . . I’m here. I’m already right here.”

ATE