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While I didn’t think this was typical of plus-sized women, for me to survive, to go out into the world, I needed to avoid the mirror—not look in it in the bathroom when I got out of the shower, glance away when I saw myself reflected in plate glass windows. Don’t look, don’t look, and then that way, I could pretend.
I went to pull away, to give my poor eyes a break so I didn’t have to stare at a face and body I couldn’t love, no matter what he had to say about it.
Women of all sizes had insecurities about their bodies, but having a bigger body? It felt like the dating pool, the medical community, the whole damn world was there, confirming all of your worst fears and then piling more on top of them. Until you were drowning.