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For as long as August Cates could remember, his dick had ruined everything. In seventh grade, he’d gotten a hard-on during a pep rally while standing in front of the entire school in football pants. Since his classmates couldn’t openly call him Woody in the presence of their teachers, they’d called him Tom Hanks, instead. It stuck all through high school. To this day, he cringed at the very mention of Toy Story.
while she was happy beyond words for Julian to have found the love of his life, she didn’t need to witness it in surround sound.
Parents. Man, they truly messed up their kids.
“Do you think because I’m packing that I’m going to leave you here? Do you need to be reminded that I spent eight hundred dollars at the vet last week? That’s long-term shit. I didn’t even know cats could get gingivitis.”
I’d just as soon put a mark on you myself than I would pursue a ballet career.” Her mouth snapped shut. She blinked several times and flounced forward, moving past him on the path. “I didn’t know cat people were so dramatic,” she muttered. “Only when their integrity is in question,” he countered, following her. “Sorry. I’ll stick to questioning your intelligence.”
Her fingertips started to buzz, the way they did before a hefty trade. Oh God, she could almost hear the bad idea coming toward her on a conveyor belt of doom.
“I’ll admit I came on a little strong back there. I’m just . . . I’m never comfortable at these things.” “So you have to make everyone else uncomfortable to compensate?” “Correct.” “At least you’re an honest dickhead.” “The wedding vows practically write themselves,” he muttered,
“Grope me and live to regret it.” “Fine.” He sighed, running a hand down his tie. “You can grope me.” “You mispronounced ‘strangle.’”
August’s head dropped back on a groan. “Christ.” “Antichrist is more her vibe, actually.”
Corinne is taking the flash-and-awe approach to fooling the local flavor and I want in, too. I’m an agent of chaos, Natalie. I can’t help it, I crave the danger.”
“You’re a little nuts, aren’t you, Hallie?” “I wrote your brother secret admirer letters and got jealous when he wrote me back.”
“Aren’t you going to ask why I’m entering into this phony union with someone I once called diseased foreskin?
“I’ve mentioned I like you, haven’t I?” “I like you, too.” Hallie winked and melted back into the darkness, whispering, “Let’s fuck shit up,” as she vanished into the black.
“Natalie, I burped ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’ by Bon Jovi into a microphone at my high school talent show when I was seventeen. In a wig and tasseled knee socks. I’m not here to pass judgment.” A gasping laugh snuck out of her. “Last place, I’m assuming?” “They didn’t really grasp my artistic vision.”
“Hard work comes with a price. You’d know that if you ever tried it.” “You mean, like, digging a hole big enough for your grave? Because I’d be willing to try that.”
He’d let his friend get killed fifteen yards away from him. Fifteen fucking yards.
“That being said, I know that spending time on a project like this equals money. A lot of it. That’s why I’m here to invest.”
“August, who is Sam?” After a moment, his head came up, and he turned toward her, his expression weary. “He was my best friend. He . . . died in combat. Killed during a raid. Last one in. He was the last one in. I’m still not sure how we missed the target coming down the staircase. Faulty intel, they said, as if it helps.”
“Sam had this dream to be a winemaker. We all laughed about it. Called him Napa Daddy. But he was serious about doing it. Leaving the teams one day and buying a small vineyard, like this one. This is his dream, not mine. I’m just the one fucking it up.”
“You . . . don’t want me to make you—” “Come? Yeah. Another time. When the reason doesn’t piss me off.”
“I won’t ask again, August. I don’t like to repeat myself.” “Sure about that? You’ve called me a dumbass at least ninety-four times.”
There wasn’t a question on earth that could scare him. “Do you have genuine feelings for my daughter?” All right, maybe that one.
“Your turn. Love or pride?” “Love,” he answered without hesitation. Why did something inside her bloom like a rose over his answer? “Really?” Her voice was more uneven than a middle schooler’s. “You just told me that whole story about Honda Accords and your family valuing pride.” “I know.” He appeared thoughtful. “But love seems more important now.” Don’t ask why. “Why?” “Because I can tell you don’t believe in it. And I want you to.”
“Care to make it interesting?” he asked. “Not that I haven’t already won just getting to watch you throw an axe in that short-ass dress.” “I’m going to get you sexual harassment training as a wedding gift.”
The increasing protectiveness he felt for his fiancé told August . . . This wasn’t temporary. They weren’t. Sorry, princess. Sucks to be you. This woman standing in front of him was his destiny.
Bottom line, he knew in his bones that in fifty years, he’d still want to look at her face. Pretty sure he’d be starved for the opportunity.
“Someone’s scared.” “Oh, I’m scared?” Speaking of pride. “Pretty sure I’m the one who climbed into that shower. Or did you forget?” Tits. Beautiful, beautiful tits. “Princess, that is a core memory. It’ll be with me in the fucking afterlife.”
the whole bar blurred around them as she celebrated. Jump into my arms. Do it. Please do it. Spoiler: she did not.
“Your interpretation of letting someone down is ass backward.” “Ass backward sounds even better than heavy petting,” he said, waggling his brows. “Where do I sign up?” “Right here,” she sang, flipping him the bird. “Uh-huh.” He winked. “I remember how much you love a nice middle finger.” Natalie’s groan mingled with August’s booming laugh on their way back into the bar.
“Go off, Anna Delvey. There’s the bitch I used to know.”
There’s also this feeling like . . .” He thought about it for a few seconds. “You know the feeling you had when I took this picture? Like the hard shit is over? I feel that with her. Or that it’s possible with her, I guess. I don’t know. Like if we just get through the difficult shit, all the strain we went through to reach the other side . . . I’ll remember it like it was a joy, instead of being hard.”
He fist-bumped the gravestone. “Love you, man. Wish me luck.”
Everyone on the lawn stopped and turned to watch the giant groom climb out of his truck—carefully cradling a marmalade-colored cat to his chest, patting its head soothingly. Menace was here. Wearing a cat tuxedo.
“I found your Facebook profile, which you haven’t posted anything on in like, seven years, but there was a picture of Sam, and . . .” She couldn’t seem to stop moving as he turned the laminated picture over in his hand, reading the words that were printed there. Then back. Right side up again. He said nothing, just looked down at the small card with his brow puckered. “This is the U.S. Navy hymn,” he said quietly, finally looking up at her. “Yes.” She tucked a strand of loose hair back into her low chignon. “I had to google it obviously. I don’t just know hymns off the top of my head.”
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Julian shook his head. Sighed. “You’re in love with her.” Suddenly, August couldn’t swallow.
“And if you hurt her, I’ll break your nose.” “Heard you the first two times.”
She was starting to bump her shoulders to the music and Lord, when Natalie allowed herself to enjoy him, even for just a few minutes, it was like holding a puppy in one hand and a foot-long hoagie in the other. Bliss.
This was not a long-term situation and introducing the complications of sex was a very, very bad idea. God forbid it turned out to be good. What would she do then?
“I swear, Natalie, when I’m not dreaming about your pussy, I’m daydreaming about it. I’ve gone down on you so many times, imaginary August has lock jaw.
Her whole body was surface-of-the-sun level hot. Knees shaking. Throat strained like she’d just left a Harry Styles concert. Had she been screaming?
Damn. Now that was how two people kicked off a marriage. An oral sex competition where there were no losers.
“How are you so confident we’ll convince Meyer?” Because if that man can’t see I’d die for you, he’s blind.
“My father used to say that women ask questions they don’t really want answered, and it’s our job to figure out which ones are safe and which ones aren’t. And we will always be wrong.”
“I can’t believe I told you that.” “Why?” “Because you’re my wife. You’re supposed to believe I’ve existed only for you since day one.”
“And when I look at you, I swear I have. Existed just for you all this time. It feels like I have.”
She’d gone from jealous to turned on faster than an upside-down roller coaster loop.
It was no secret she couldn’t make food to save her life. By refraining to do so, she saved everyone else’s.
“You are toast, Natalie. Pumpernickel. Rye. Sourdough. Toast.”
“I’m not entering the palace without paying homage to the queen, Natalie,” he said, out of breath.
She understood now. Love turned the heart into a liability. If something happened to him, she’d never get the damn thing to beat properly again. It seemed to be beating for him now.
