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Life is a series of problems. Especially when one is married and has a family. Because even when you manage to avoid the problems of the outside world and return home safely, your family is there waiting with a whole different set of problems of their own.
I didn’t believe in any bright future for me. I didn’t know if I would even be able to make a living. Therefore, “a moment ago” was always the best moment, and the present was always better than the future.
Following the words “Be grateful I raised you” is the implied clause “instead of killing you or leaving you for dead.” They probably mean it, too.
I had no hope anymore for good times, but I didn’t want to wish for bad times, either. I was waiting for something but didn’t know what to hope for. There was no future. All of our survival skills were trapped in the past.
There was nothing left for me to wait for.