ILYBSM: I Love You Both So Much

by J.E. Birk

But when it comes up between me and Jeb, it’s worse. I have to think about what my stupid choices cost not only me, but all three of us.

I’m perfectly capable of walking upstairs and have been all day, but I don’t say a word. Not when my plan is working just as I’d hoped it would.

I spent four years of college not telling my best friends about my ridiculous attraction to them. Trying to get over said ridiculous attraction was my most important mission, right after Mission: Keep Scholarship and Mission: Graduate. Mission: Stop Crushing on Your Roommates was the hardest of the three, and I never really accomplished it. Even though they’re straight. Even though I’ve never told them I’m bi.

College had been confusing. Trying to reconcile your attraction to women with the realization that you want to have sex with your two male best friends would probably rattle anyone.

The truth is that I love it, but I can’t let myself think that way about my straight friends. Yeah, maybe Embry kissed me as part of some drunken experiment, but aside from that, neither of them has ever expressed an interest in anyone but girls. Whereas I… well, I have one big secret from Embry and Jeb.

“Actually, I think the point is that none of us is straight.”

If Embry is bi, then what the hell was his problem the night of that graduation party? Is it me he doesn’t like? Or have I read this whole situation wrong the entire time and he was into it back then, and I’ve been missing out on him for years?

You’re going to fail. You’ve already failed. You’ve ruined the house, and you’re on pace to have a terrible Christmas season. You’ll lose the farm. You can’t even hang lights without breaking your own body. Your bank account is a joke. Whatever made you think you could run a tree farm by yourself?

Jeb shivers. “Yeah. I mean, that was kinda my fantasy back then. Except… I’d be in the middle, watching you two. Not some girl.”

I know we’re going to regret this. But right now, all I can think is that if it took an accidental text, a fire, and a power outage to get us here, then thank fuck for that series of unfortunate events.

Worst case scenario you go grow some trees or whatever and then I’ll come do all the marketing for the farm and we’ll all live happily ever after lol Jeb Um, I think you mean BEST case scenario?? Embry Lol if you ever activate that plan, I’m in

“Oh, Jebs. You know, this whole strappingly-independent-and-determined-to-be-totally-self-sufficent thing you have going on would be cute if it weren’t so absolutely misplaced.