ILYBSM: I Love You Both So Much

by J.E. Birk

3way group chat Present day Adam Is there something between doug and zeke? Embry WTF SERIOUSLY Adam I don’t know? I was asking? Jeb Wow that would be wild. Those two have known each other forever. I don’t think so though. Jeb Doug dates a lot and zeke’s too growly to date much at all Embry I thought Zeke had a serious gf Jeb Where’d you hear that? Embry Sherbert Jeb Funny. He and millie’s sister had a thing once years ago and she said it was a hot mess Adam Sherbert and Millie’s sister? Jeb No, Zeke and Millie’s sister. Jeb Why did you think that about him and Doug, anyway? Adam Because zeke’s always staring at doug and doug’s always draped all over him Jeb Nah no way. They’re friends. Friends do stuff like that right? Like we did Adam Yup. Yup, we sure did. Embry YUP. Jeb OOOOOHHHHHHHH

3way group chat Present day Jeb If the three of us sang acapella what song do you think we’d do? Adam Definitely something from dua lipa Embry Idk who that is Adam [gif of turtle crawling out from under a rock] Embry I’d vote for black sabbath. Or maybe this keith urban song I really like. Adam You have the strangest taste in music. Embry What? I’m eclectic. Jeb You know what I’d pick? Adam Yes, I think we do. Embry Please don’t say it, jeb. We beg you. Jeb It would be so good, though! Everyone loves that song. Jeb [audio clip of him singing a line from Dido’s “Thank You”] Adam Huh I totally thought you’d go alanis there Jeb Nah. This is the song I’d sing with you guys Embry Fuck, jeb, how dare you make me tear up thinking about a 90s love ballad Adam It’s okay, E. We can sing some black sabbath right afterwards, I promise.

3way group chat Present day Jeb I think we should make pancakes for breakfast tomorrow Embry I just realized that you two are texting me while we are IN THE SAME ROOM and I’m not even pissed about it. Embry ILYBSM Jeb ??? E, you know I never understand internet stuff Adam Awww bae! I think he added a “b” to the acronym for “I love you so much” Adam So it’s I Love You Both So Much Jeb Awwww ILYBSM too. Maybe we should change the chat name! Adam Maybe? But I don’t know. 3way is always going to mean so much to me. It reminds me of the first time we ever met [string of heart emojis] Embry Yeah. And now I want to tell everyone in the world that’s the name of our chat. I want to tell every fucking person i know just how much I love you both. Jeb Oh wow. Me too. You know, P and P had a marriage ceremony on their property last year. They couldn’t legally get married but they said they wanted everyone to know how committed they were to each other. It was a really good day. The whole town came. Embry Jeb… are you proposing to us? Jeb Maybe? I’m just saying, I would love to stand up in front of everyone we know and tell them how much you both mean to me. Adam Me too. Embry Me three Jeb Then let’s do it. Once we figure out what we’re doing next—let’s get 3way married! Adam [string of heart emojis] Embry [string of happy face emojis] Jeb Oh, and let’s have pancakes tomorrow too!! Embry [string of laughing face emojis] Adam I bet we can talk embry into making us pancakes. Do we have any...

3way group chat Present day Jeb Can’t believe we get to spend Christmas together tomorrow! Adam I can’t wait. We’re going to make so many new traditions. Jeb I can’t believe those stockings you found [string of shocked face emojis] Adam It’s our first christmas together! We gotta make it special. I have other plans too! Jeb Maybe we should all stop texting so we can meet inside and actually spend christmas eve together lol Adam FAIR. yes, come inside and warm me up, babes Embry [photo] Adam GASP! You gonna pretend that was for someone else? Embry Hell the fuck no Jeb If you’re not careful I’m coming over to that barn… Embry Damn right you’re coming soon lol Jeb OKAY ENOUGH we’re getting our shit done and meeting on the couch. I am calling this 3way to order! Embry Hell yeah you are! Adam [three eggplant emojis] Jeb Okay, will someone please just explain what I don’t get about our chat name? I’m tired of millie snickering every time i say it Adam You tell him, E Embry No, you Jeb SOMEONE JUST TELL ME PLEASE Adam Babe, 3way is a term for when three people have sex together Jeb Oh Jeb OH Jeb WTF Jeb Why did you let me name our chat that all those years ago???? Embry I think…we didn’t know how to tell you no. Still don’t, actually. [heart emoji] Adam Nope. and I hope we never learn. [string of heart emojis]

3way group chat January Jeb Have you two landed yet? Have fun in Cali! Take lots of pictures! Embry Just got to Adam’s place. I’ll take pics of Adam in a swimsuit Jeb Yay! Adam Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t wait to get back to Vermont Embry Adam misses Sherbert Adam No, I don’t Adam I just miss Jeb. We fucking love you Jeb Ilybsm Jeb I miss you also Jeb Are you two in the same room? Embry Maybe Jeb Then kiss since I’m not there Jeb That would be hot Jeb I can’t wait for you to get back to Vermont Jeb Guys? Jeb You there still? Jeb Are you doing what I think you’re doing? Incoming FaceTime from Adam.