ILYBSM: I Love You Both So Much

by J.E. Birk

He puts a foot up on the battered coffee table, again not saying anything but rolling his hand in a “go on” gesture. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I feel really bad for Jeb. Going into the barn tonight to feed the animals gave me some perspective about all the pressures on him. A farm has so many moving pieces, many of them living, breathing creatures who require frequent care. Jeb can’t take off to Hawaii—or even New Hampshire—without making serious arrangements for this menagerie. That’s a lot of responsibility.” I sigh. “Embry and I have been too hard on him. Jeb’s not a loser, and I’m pissed that we let him think he was. He’s a champ for trying to do something superhuman by himself. There’s just no way he could take care of this place on his own. Also, I think I’ve been too hard on Embry. He’s so damned competent at everything, I get jealous.” I take another sip of the beer before continuing, my voice unsteady. “On top of everything, I’m from California. I don’t live here. But I’m in love with both of them, and leaving them might break my heart. Then there are some other things.” I wave my hand vaguely.