ILYBSM: I Love You Both So Much

by J.E. Birk

But when I get to the stash of apples, I also see some dog biscuits. “Okay, canines. Here are some treats. Enjoy them.” I throw one to each of the hounds, appalled that they swallow them down after about three bites each. “Did you even chew?” I ask. They don’t answer, just crunch and snuffle. My greater concern, though, is dealing with the goat. I take an apple out of the sack. “I know these hypnotize you,” I say. “Please don’t eat me.” Nervous, I hold out my hand, and before I can squeak, Sherbert takes the apple, drops to four feet, then proceeds to curl up on the straw on the ground like he’s a nice goat, eating it. “What the actual hell?” I mutter, watching him eat. I sigh and sink down onto a straw bale—I now know the difference between that and hay, thankyouverymuch—and think about whether I should burn the building down, cry, or yell until I’m hoarse. While Sherbert munches on the apple, I go around the barn feeding the dogs, pigs, horses, and probably the mice in the way I’ve seen Embry do it. Once everyone has food and water, I again try the doors, but nope.