The Longest Race: Inside the Secret World of Abuse, Doping, and Deception on Nike's Elite Running Team

by Kara Goucher

The problem wasn’t the calories, it was the scarcity mindset, the idea of deprivation being a path to victory and heroism.

The truth is, running often attracts a personality type that gets high off extreme discipline. On the upside, this kind of discipline can help us stick with rigorous training, but it can also go hand in hand with the numerology of an eating disorder.

The message was clear: my decision to have a baby was not to get in the way of my athletic pursuits.

The hypocrisy of this male executive thinking of me as a role model to his daughter while also determining that a hardworking female athlete didn’t deserve to be paid during her pregnancy astounded me.

Nike promoted my pregnancy and used it as a story for them to promote the brand. Nike chose when to announce my very personal news of my pregnancy to the general public. I worked hard during my pregnancy doing appearances and photo shoots to promote Nike and my relationship with Nike, only to find out after the fact that Nike would be suspending me for my pregnancy… I don’t understand Nike’s policy on pregnancy as it seems that there is no set standard for how female athletes are treated during and after their pregnancy.

I couldn’t believe it. Twelve and a half years as a Nike runner, more than a third of my lifetime, and it was over once and for all. I opened up my closet and pulled out every single piece of clothing with a swoosh on it. Tank tops, leggings, shorts, socks, windbreakers. A giant neon mountain grew on my bed, which Colt gleefully climbed atop. I had the thought of putting the whole pile in the trash, or even having some sort of bonfire in the backyard. But I couldn’t fathom wasting that much apparel. I loaded it all into my car and donated it. Somewhere, I’d like to think that Marie Kondo is beaming. It sparked a lot of joy.