Still Beating (Lost Boys, #2.6)

by Jessie Walker

I’m not fine, Way. I’m not fucking fine, and neither are you, and this, right now, saying goodbye to you, knowing just how not fine you are, but not being able to see you, kiss you, touch you, and breathe you in… It’s straight up agony.

“Because sometimes, the only thing that keeps us holding on, is holding on for someone else.”

“It’s better to need someone than to have no one to need,” Shawn says, his fierce gaze holding mine. “Trust me.”

It’s insane. Loving him this easily… Like every piece of me was made for every piece of him.

“One day, I’m going to get it through your thick, stubborn skull that you matter.” He stills. “Not just to me, but especially to me.” I swallow tightly. “That you don’t just…” —I wet my lips, searching his bright eyes— “disappear when no one’s looking.”

“You don’t just stop existing when we’re not together,” I tell him. Grabbing his hand, I bring it to my chest. “You exist in here.” I push his knuckles against where my heart thumps strongly, ensuring he can feel it. “So long as this thing keeps beating, you’re not going anywhere. On the good days, the bad days, and everything in between. Even when you’re miles and miles away from me.”

“I might love you harder when you’re at your worst, but that’s only because you need it harder then. But my love for you when you’re at your best?” I release a breath, smiling. “It’s unmatched. It consumes me.”

“That for as much as I need you when shit’s all dark and fucked up in my head, I love you just as much, if not more so, when I’m clear-headed. When I feel strong and capable, and not strangled by the fear that I’m going to lose you, or by the voices that try to convince me you deserve better.” “Way…” He inhales deeply, bringing us impossibly closer. “My love for you when I’m sad and scared is very selfish. Even a little ugly. But when I’m happy, it’s pure. Easy and simple as breathing.”

“We grow together,” he said firmly. “Together or not at all. That’s the only way this works.”